#RizzNews: 10-Year-Old Missouri Girl Steals Car & Goes on Joyride; The Police Are Asking For the Public’s Help in Finding a “Jorts-Wearing Bandit”; AND MORE
10-Year-Old Missouri Girl Steals Car & Goes on Joyride
A 10-year-old Missouri girl stole a car and took it for a joyride with her friends on Monday night. The Bismark Tribune reports that the girl allegedly stole the keys from a cubby at the Missouri Valley Family YMCA in Bismark. A 46-year-old man called police shortly after to report that his keys and his 2009 Pontiac, which had been parked outside of the building, were stolen at roughly 7:45 p.m. The tiny driver threw the man’s wallet and phone out the window, then picked up several of her friends and cruised until hitting a curb. A witness spotted the kids standing outside of the stolen vehicle and attempting to change the front passenger tire at 10 p.m. The 10-year-old girl was cited for theft of a motor vehicle and released to her parents, while the other juveniles were not cited because the girl had told them it was a relative’s car.
The Police Are Asking For the Public’s Help in Finding a “Jorts-Wearing Bandit”
It’s guys like this that give JORTS a bad name. Please come back in style, jorts. I miss you.
The police in St. Louis are trying to track down a guy who has robbed at least three different Walgreens in the area . . . while he was wearing long, baggy jean shorts.
They’re calling him the, quote, “jorts-wearing bandit,” because apparently the line has blurred between the actual police and the fashion police.
They’re circulating a few photos of him to try to get the public’s help. From the looks of it, he’s a middle aged white guy, and in one of the pictures, he’s also rocking a sweet visor. Have they tried looking for him in 1996?
One in Five People Can’t Name a Single Author
I know that dumbness is really hot right now . . . but THIS dumb?
According to a new survey, one out of five people can’t name a SINGLE author. Not Shakespeare, not Mark Twain, not J.K. Rowling, not even Dr. Seuss.
The survey also found 15% of people say they don’t read books because they’re too hard to understand.
Badass of the Day: A Guy Takes a Nail to the Heart, Then Calmly Drives Himself to the Hospital
I don’t know what my reaction would have been in this situation. But it would have involved a lot more SCREAMING than what this guy did . . .
52-year-old Doug Bergeson was working on his house near Peshtigo, Wisconsin back in June. (About 45 miles north of Green Bay.) And a nail from a high-powered nail gun ricocheted off a piece of wood . . . went into his chest . . . and hit his HEART.
He says it didn’t really hurt much, so he thought it just nicked him. Then he realized the nail was embedded about two-and-a-half inches into his upper torso. And he could see it MOVING every time his heart beat.
Luckily, he didn’t pull it out. He says he thought about how Steve Irwin died when he pulled a stingray’s stinger out of his heart. So he calmly drove himself to the E.R. instead . . . and was mostly just annoyed, because he knew it would take all day. (???)
An X-ray showed the nail was about a sixteenth of an inch from a major artery, so they rushed him to a hospital in Green Bay for surgery. He says he asked if he could DRIVE there instead of taking an ambulance, but they didn’t let him.
Luckily they got the nail out, and he’s okay. He’s been recovering at home for almost two months, and just got cleared to go back to work.