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Murder Jokes With Natasha Leggero And Craig Gass

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A Guy Going 110 Miles-Per-Hour Said He Was Racing to Drop a “Number Two” – Cambridge-News

Ohio mom accidentally shoots daughter who came home from college to surprise her – WFTV

A Guy Throws a Cupcake in a Road Rage Incident . . . It Hits the Other Driver . . . and He’s Facing Assault Charges – NewsWeek

University student breaks 110 bones in horror balcony fall – News

Woman Claims To Be Her Own Daughter To Try To Evade Arrest: Police – HuffPost

A Guy’s Truck Was Stolen . . . While the Guy Was Committing a Robbery – q13Fox

Three Women Stole a Baby Stroller . . . But Accidentally Left a Child Behind in the Store – ABC7NY

A Guy Breaks Into a Home, Then Tries to Have a Booty Call There – Syracuse

A Man Honored by the White House for Heroism During the El Paso Shooting Made It Up . . . and the Secret Service Detained Him on a Warrant – ABCNews

St. Louis County police to explore change in hiring standards amid shortage of officers – STLToday

Andrew Yang Announced a $120,000 Sweepstakes During Last Night’s Debate? – NYTimes

New Jersey parents sue fertility clinic after mix-up results in daughter having different biological father: reports – FoxNews

Personal trainer tells woman she’s ‘way too heavy’ for his class – NYPost

A Company Is Looking to Pay a “Starbucks Addict” to Switch to Local Coffee Shops – UPI

Plane carrying 326 passengers diverted after pilot spills coffee – CNN

Adele has filed for divorce from Simon Konecki, which makes sense because that’s her husband the last 7 years. In April she announced that she had separated from her hubby.

Mac Miller left behind lots of jewelry and millions of dollars in master recordings. Mac’s estate filed new legal docs which list some of his assets. Among them … nearly $5 million in master recording assets, $1.5 mil in music royalties, and $180k in Mac Miller LLC. And he liked himself some jewelry. How about a $31k 18 karat Presidential bracelet, a $20k Rolex and another $14k Cuban link necklace. $20k in household furniture, $15k worth of electronics and a 2009 BMW 5 Series valued just over $6k. In all, the items total around $7 million. Mac died from a lethal combination of fentanyl, cocaine and alcohol on September 7, 2018. His assistant found him unresponsive on his bed in a “praying position” at his L.A. home. Last week, charges came down against 28-year-old Cameron James Pettit, whom the feds allege supplied Mac with counterfeit oxycodone pills that contained fentanyl in a new 42-page criminal complaint out of the Central District of California. Mac was 26.

DEMI MOORE is NUDE on the cover of the new issue of “Harper’s Bazaar”, and she looks fantastic.  Sure, Photoshop gets some of the credit, but for 56, she looks just fine. Inside the magazine, she talks about her crazy childhood. Imagine having to revive your mother from an overdose. She says, quote, “The next thing I remember is using my fingers, the small fingers of a child, to dig the pills my mother had tried to swallow out of her mouth while my father held it open and told me what to do. “Something very deep inside me shifted then, and it never shifted back.  My childhood was over.” In a separate interview with the “New York Times”, Demi reveals that she miscarried shortly after she started dating ASHTON KUTCHER in 2003.  It was a girl, and they were going to name her Chaplin Ray. Demi says she blamed herself and started drinking to cope with the loss.  She and Ashton married in 2005, but her drinking only got worse, and she was also abusing Vicodin. Demi and Ashton split in 2011, amid reports that he cheated on her.  And in 2012, she had a seizure after she smoked synthetic cannabis and inhaled nitrous oxide. Demi covers all of this, and her eventual recovery, in a new memoir called “Inside Out”, which hits the shelves on September 24th.

“Saturday Night Live” added three new cast members yesterday, including BOWEN YANG, their first Asian-American cast member. Another new face you might see this season is comedian SHANE GILLIS.  And I say “might” because there’s a chance he’s already lost his job. Shane and another guy have a podcast called “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast”.  And after he got the “SNL” gig, Shane deleted almost all the videos of it from YouTube. But before he could do that, people unearthed clips where Shane and his buddy made some racist comments . . . about ASIANS.  Shane even used the “C-word” that rhymes with “Blinks” . . . and made a crack about Southeast Asian “ladyboys”. In another podcast, they used homophobic slurs to mock comedians Judd Apatow and Chris Gethard.  Shane issued a statement last night saying, quote, “I’m a comedian who pushes boundaries.  I sometimes miss.  If you go through my 10 years of comedy, most of it bad, you’re going to find a lot of bad misses. “I’m happy to apologize to anyone who’s actually offended by anything I’ve said.  My intention is never to hurt anyone but I am trying to be the best comedian I can be and sometimes that requires risks.” FYI, Yang was hired last year as a WRITER, and appeared as Kim Jong-Un in a sketch. There’s no word on any of this yet from “SNL”. The other new cast member is a woman named CHLOE FINEMAN.  The new season of Saturday Night Live premieres on September 28, with Woody Harrelson hosting and musical guest Billie Eilish. 

A stuntwoman who worked on “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter” is suing over an accident on set, which resulted in her losing an arm. , Olivia Jackson has filed suit against director Paul Anderson (Milla Jovovich’s husband) and producers. She worked on 2015’s Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. She was shooting in South Africa when the accident happened. Jackson claims the stunt went bad because of last minute changes to the scene. The outlet reports, “She was standing in for Milla Jokovich and was driving a motorcycle at 40mph when she plowed head first into a crane which had a camera attached to it. The crane was supposed to have swung over her head a second earlier.” Her suit reads, “The force of the blow was so severe that it sliced through her forearm, obliterating the bone in the process (the bone was never recovered), before tearing into her cheek , pulling the flesh back and leaving her teeth exposed.” The docs continue, “‘She suffered multiple fractures to her spine, her eye socket, her ribs, her shoulder scapula and clavicle, her humerus and her forearm, her thumb was torn off, her arm became paralyzed, her brain bled and swelled an artery was severed in her forearm and multiple arteries ruptured in her neck. She lost her arm and injuries in her brain and spine. She says Anderson and producers first promised to pay her medical bills. Jackson claims they then asked her to sign a non-disclosure agreement. She refused to sign it and has been struggling to pay her medical bills since. Jackson says insurance paid her $998 in loss of earnings and covered $33,000 in medical bills. She believes she is owed more and hopes the lawsuit will help. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter was released in 2017. It was made on a reported $40 million budget and grossed $312 million worldwide.

JOHN MULANEY is developing a children’s variety special, which is inspired by his favorite shows when he was a kid:  “Sesame Street”, “3-2-1 Contact”, and “Really Rosie”, a 1980 musical by Maurice Sendak and Carole King. There aren’t many details yet . . . but John says he wants to make something that will appeal to kids and adults.  Quote, “It’s something I’d like to watch.  And I don’t wanna do anything anyone else is doing.”

It really sounds like JENNIFER LOPEZ is interested in headlining the Super Bowl halftime show . . . but RIHANNA isn’t. That might not be the only reason, though.  Last year, she allegedly turned down the gig as a show of support for COLIN KAEPERNICK.  Although, now that her mentor JAY-Z is in cahoots with the NFL, her attitude about that could change.

Somebody removed the second half of every beat from Smash Mouth’s “All Star” . . . and it became a polka.

Korn, Goo GOO Dolls and The Pixies all have new music out today

(“The Nothing, Korn.  This is their 13th album  “Miracle Pill“, The Goo Goo Dolls.  This is their 12th album. “Beneath the Eyrie, The Pixies.  Their seventh album includes “Catfish Kate.)

HBO is reportedly developing a Game of Thrones prequel series based on the history of the Targaryen family. Entertainment Weekly reports that the series will specifically chronicle the Dance of the Dragons, the civil war between Rhaenyra and Aegon Targaryen for control over the Seven Kingdoms. The war occurred roughly 200 years before the events depicted in Game of Thrones and will likely feature lots of dragons. The series will be based on George R.R. Martin’s Fire and Blood, which was published earlier this year and is a history of House Targaryen that spans roughly 150 years. 

Are movies getting longer and are you ok with it? 10 years ago the top 10 movies of summer 2009 had an average running time of 116 minutes. In summer 2019, that stat soared to 125 minutes as Hollywood studios gave you the supersized visual effects of the big blockbuster movies. Avengers: Endgame, the summer’s top-grossing film and the biggest release of all time (not adjusted for inflation), clocked in at a whopping 182 minutes. And Once Upon a Time in Hollywood pushed past the 160 minute mark. In 2018, the average running length of the top 10 films for the full year was 132 minutes, creeping up from the 129-minute average in 2017.  And there may be a financial cost. Over the Sept. 6-8 weekend, New Line and director Andy Muschietti’s It: Chapter Two opened to $91 million domestically, a 26 percent decline from the first It, which debuted to $123.4 million on the same weekend in 2017. The sequel ran a hefty 169 minutes, 34 minutes longer than its predecessor. They actually added more shows and locations to counterbalance losing a show on each screen.”  The top-grossing films of the past three years at the global box office have all had running times of well more than two hours; Avengers: Infinity War (149 minutes), Star Wars: The Last Jedi (152 minutes) and Captain America: Civil War (146 minutes). Its not just the superhero stuff either.  Once Upon a Time in Hollywood at 161 minutes earned $310 million to date globally.

10 highest-grossing actors in U.S. movie history  

  1. Samuel L. Jackson (Box office total: $7,106,460,118), Biggest movie: The Avengers (2012)
  2. Robert Downey Jr. ($5,818,750,378), Biggest movie: The Avengers: Endgame (2019)
  3. Scarlett Johansson ($5,244,119,075), Biggest movie: The Avengers: Endgame (2019)
  4. Harrison Ford ($5,121,747,600), Biggest movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
  5. Tom Hanks ($5,038,685,542), Biggest movie: Toy Story 4 (2019)
  6. Bradley Cooper ($4,803,758,514), Biggest movie: The Avengers: Endgame (2019)
  7. Morgan Freeman ($4,624,290,253), Biggest movie: The Dark Knight (2008)
  8. Don Cheadle, ($4,422,654,260), Biggest movie: The Avengers: Endgame (2019)
  9. Andy Serkis ($4,357,712,246), Biggest movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
  10. Zoe Saldana, ($4,193,566,592), Biggest movie: The Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Sunday on Comedy Central:  “The Roast of Alec Baldwin”  Sean Hayes as Roast Master.  The roasters include Robert De Niro, Blake Griffin, Caitlyn Jenner, Joel McHale, Debra Messing, and Jeff Ross.

BIRTHDAYS

Fiona Apple is 42

Tyler Perry is 50.

Jeffrey Ross is 54.  Comedy Central’s Roastmaster General.

Dave Mustaine is 58.  Megadeth 

Andrew Lincoln is 46.  Rick Grimes on “The Walking Dead”.

Sam Neill is 72.  Dr. Alan Grant in the “Jurassic Park” movies.  And Cardinal Thomas Wolsey on “The Tudors”, the Showtime series about Henry the Eighth.

Prince Harry of Britain is 35.  Meghan Markle’s husband.  Harry is now sixth in line for the throne, behind his dad, his brother William, and Williams three kids.

Tom Hardy is 42

Dan Marino is 58

Tommy Lee Jones is 73

Gaylord Perry is 81.  Baseball Hall of Famer.

vToday’s BURTON BIRTHDAY OF THE DAY….this man…may have been one of it not the first member of this exclusive club.  The ladies love him.  The fellas love him.  If you don’t love him, you may not have a heart.  The former lead singer from Chicago….Peter MOTHER EFFIN Cetera is 75 years young this weekend. 

pb

PORNO BIRTHDAY

CRYSTAL WILDER

Today’s birthday girl has scored more than the Patriots against a pee-wee football team…and she’s shown off in 228 fine films including:

  • Washington DP
  • Muff The Vampire Layer
  • Hootermania
  • Single White Nympho
  • Anal Taboo
  • 10,000 Anal Maniacs
  • And who could forget…her unforgettable role in…You Bet Your Sweet Buns

CRYSTAL WILDER is 51 YEARS OLD

The Cardinals set a few records yesterday during their big win in Colorado.  The day started with back-to-back homers from Dexter Fowler and Kolten Wong.  The Cards hit FIVE home runs in the first four innings and then scored four runs in the ninth.  So, Fowler, Wong, Ravelo, and Ozuna all hit solo homers.  Then, Harrison Bader hit another in the 4th.  It was the first time in franchise history that the lead off batter in the first, second, third, and fourth all went deep. Also – Ravelo…hit the longest homerun in Cardinals history since the ball was tracked by Statcast.  Final landing spot….487 feet away.  Final score yesterday…10-3 Cardinals.  Tonight, the Cards are back at home for a series against the Brewers.  First pitch is scheduled for 7:15PM and Adam Wainwright gets the start. 

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the Carolina Panthers 20-14 last night, keeping the Panthers from scoring on a fourth-and-1 play from the two-yard line as Christian McCaffrey was pushed out of bounds by the Bucs with 1:22 left in the game. Tampa Bay quarterback Jameis Winston threw for 208 yards and a touchdown, while Cam Newton was held without a touchdown for a second week.

((TALK OTHER PICKS))

The New York Jets are playing the Cleveland Browns on “Monday Night Football” this weekend, but Jets quarterback SAM DARNOLD can’t play . . . because he has MONO.  He’ll be out multiple weeks.  Coach Adam Gase said, quote, “Good thing we’ve got an early Bye Week.”  They’re off Week 4, after next weekend’s game against the New England Patriots.  Darnold lost five pounds in just a few days so he knew something was wrong.  According to reports, he’ll be “quarantined” at his apartment until Jets’ medical staff feels it’s safe to expose him to the rest of the team. As for the mono, it’s unclear who Darnold kissed . . . or if he contracted it some other way.  But he’s probably wishing that the team said he had a banged up leg or a generic “illness,” because the Internet is having a lot of fun at his expense. All fun aside, it’s worth pointing out that mono CAN become serious, and it’s definitely no fun to have . . . so it’s not like Darnold is being soft by sitting out.  Mono can knock you out for around a month . . . if not longer. For now, the Jets will start backup quarterback Trevor Siemian in his place.  Also – another injury note for you fantasy team.  Hunter Henry, tight end for the Chargers, has a fracture in his tibia and is out for probably around 6 weeks. 

Some college football stuff…Mizzou is back at home tomorrow night.  They take on SEMO up in Columbia.  Kick off is scheduled for 6:30PM.  But, a really cool story coming out of Georgia.  Georgia is looking to have a “pink out” on Saturday in honor of the wife of Arkansas State coach Brady Anderson, Wendy, who died of breast cancer in August. Wendy battled the disease for two years. Brady had taken a leave of absence from the team but returned prior to the Red Wolves’ last contest against UNLV. Georgia fans are using the hashtag #WearPinkforWendy to notify folks on social media about the plan to get as much pink in the stadium as possible. The game will be played on ESPN2 at noon Saturday and it is the No. 3 Bulldogs’ last game before a meeting with No. 7 Notre Dame.

Rob Gronkowski should thoroughly reconsider even flirting with the idea of a potentially making an NFL comeback. If his body has anything to say about it, however, he should never strap on another football helmet in his life. Whereas injuries are a part of the game along with concussions, simply brushing off the latter is unwise. That is precisely what Gronkowski did recently, though, noting the insane number of concussions he dealt with in his time playing football. A few of them were so bad, he actually lost consciousness, but still believes any injury suffered in football can be repaired. He said QUOTE “”I would let my son play football, but first I’d educate him on the game,” Gronkowski told CBS News. “[I would] educate him on what I went through, and I truly believe that any injury you receive is fixable, though. I mean, I went through it. I had nine surgeries and probably had, like, 20 concussions in my life — no lie. I remember five blackout ones.”

Tonight SLU will head to SIUE to take on the Cougars for their Bronze Boot game.  The game used to be much larger than it is now.  It was a pretty historic rivalry back in the day.  It fell off a bit with the SIUE soccer program went DII, but now that they are back D1, it’s picking up steam again.  Last year SLU tied SIUE.  The game tonight is in Edwardsville @ 7:30PM.  If you are wondering, SLU leads the series with a record of 25-9-2. 


Does the name of the arena you go to attend a sporting event matter to you?  Is it a huge deal that you are going to watch a game at the Enterprise Center as opposed to the Kiel Center?  Well, if you are in Miami…it MAY just make a difference.  American Airlines has held naming rights for the arena in Miami for a long time.  And now, they are bowing out.  So the venue needs a name.  And not a joke….the porn company BANG BUS just put in a $10 million dollar bid for naming rights.  If they are picked – which they wont be – they plan on changing the name of the arena to the Bang Bus Center.  Yes…they will call it The BBC.  Again, good luck Bang Bus….but…this probably won’t happen. 
NASCAR returns to Vegas on Sunday for the South Point 400.  The race time is scheduled for 6PM and if you want to watch the race it will be shown on NBC Sports Network.

Concert Calendar

UPCOMING
Sep 19