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FAIL 1

Some Taco Bell Employees Set Off Fireworks Inside the Restaurant . . . Then Watched the Place Burn After Locking Themselves Out

 

Taco Bell has been known to cause A FIRE INSIDE, figuratively.  But some employees just made it happen literally.

 

 

Last Monday . . . just after the Fourth of July . . . the employees at a Taco Bell in Nashville thought it would be a good idea to set off some fireworks INSIDE the restaurant.

 

 

It was caught on the surveillance cameras.  They locked the place up to keep customers out . . . ran around with fireworks in their hands . . . then went into the men’s bathroom and ignited some kind of firework in a trash can.

 

 

Then they came up with the BRILLIANT plan to do the same thing in a trash can in the main dining room, and film it on their phones.  They went outside to get a better view . . . but then realized that they’d accidentally locked themselves out.

 

 

While they watched the explosions, one of the fireworks ignited a full-on fire in the restaurant.  So they called 911, and firefighters came to put out the blaze.  It caused more than $30,000 in damage.

 

 

25-year-old Courtney Mayes was the shift leader, and she’s been arrested and charged with felony aggravated arson.  Police expect to make more arrests in the coming days.

 

 

(ABC News

 

 

(Here’s Courtney’s mugshot.)

A Contraband Booze Ring Was Exposed By . . . Drunk Buffaloes

 

If you’re engaging in illicit behavior on your property . . . and you have animals . . . it’s a good idea to have a veterinarian who isn’t a total narc.

 

 

Three farmers in India had some sort of contraband booze operation going on, which is a no-no, because in their state, it’s illegal to make, buy, sell, or transport alcohol.  And if you’re caught, you can get hit with fines and even prison time.

 

 

It’s unclear what they were up to, but they had more than 100 bottles of hooch . . . and some were hidden in a trough that their BUFFALOES drank from.

 

 

Some of the bottles in the trough broke, and the buffaloes GOT THEIR BUZZ ON.

 

 

The farmers didn’t realize that . . . but they DID notice their buffaloes acting weird, including frothing at the mouth.  So, they called a vet, and the vet examined the water that they’d been drinking, and figured out that the buffaloes were drunk.

 

 

The vet was NOT chill about it.  He ratted them out the police . . . and they raided the farm on Monday.  All three farmers were arrested.  It’s unclear what charges or punishments they’re facing.

 

 

(RTE)

Someone Crashed into a Driver’s Ed School While Trying to Parallel Park

 

A man in Asbury Park, New Jersey was trying to parallel park his SUV on the street last week . . . and accidentally crashed through the front of a DRIVER’S ED school.  The owners of the place say the guy wasn’t a customer.  But maybe he should be.

 

 

He was backing into a space out front when he hopped the curb . . . backed straight through the front entrance . . . and got stuck there.

 

 

His SUV caused some major damage to the front of the building, but luckily no one was seriously hurt.  Police had to help get him out of the SUV, and then gave him a ticket for careless driving.  (Here’s a photo of his SUV still lodged in the front entrance.)

A Man With Cocaine Up His Backside Told Cops That Someone Else Must Have Put It There

 

When people are busted for drugs, they have a tendency to blame someone else . . . as if other people hid THEIR drugs in this person’s pockets.  Well, this takes that a step further . . .

 

 

A 31-year-old man in Northern Ireland named Declan Butcher was arrested for drugs recently, when the police discovered a small bag of cocaine on him.  But it wasn’t in his pockets . . . it was tucked between his BUTT CHEEKS.

 

 

The police asked Declan about it, and he played dumb . . . claiming that the baggie must have been put there by someone else.  (???)

 

 

The police were responding to a disturbance outside a bar . . . and they found Declan hiding in a bathroom.  (Where he was definitely NOT hiding cocaine in his butt.)  It’s unclear what charges he’s facing.

 

 

Declan DOES have a rap sheet.  He was previously arrested five years ago, after getting into a fight with two men.  He knocked BOTH of them out with a single punch each.  At that time, he had 51 previous convictions including eight assaults.

 

 

(Belfast Telegraph)

A Guy Reports a Fake Shooting to 911 to Get Out of a Traffic Ticket

 

Sometimes thinking on your feet is the WRONG thing to do.  Especially if it involves a crime . . .

 

 

A 34-year-old guy in Ohio got pulled over last week outside a Walmart near Cleveland.  And he tried to get out of it by calling 911 and reporting a FAKE SHOOTING.

 

 

He was driving on a suspended license with expired plates.  And he had a two-year-old with him who wasn’t in a car seat.  So that’s why he panicked.

 

 

He called 911 while he was being pulled over, and claimed someone had just been SHOT outside Walmart.

 

 

His plan was to make the cops who pulled him over respond to the fake shooting instead.  But it didn’t work.

 

 

A 911 dispatcher traced his call and realized he was the same person being pulled over.  So they arrested him.

 

 

He’s facing charges for making a false report.  And they also cited him for multiple traffic violations.

 

 

(The Smoking Gun)

If You’re Running from the Cops, Don’t Stop to Hit the McDonald’s Drive-Thru

 

If you’re about to commit a crime . . . one that might lead to a lengthy police chase . . . it might be a good idea to eat BEFOREHAND.

 

 

A 38-year-old woman named Johanna Gardell of Worcester, Massachusetts allegedly stole a truck on Tuesday morning.  The police caught up with her, but she wouldn’t pull over, so the chase was on.

 

 

Johanna started blowing through red lights, and driving on the wrong side of the road, into oncoming traffic.  She crashed into several vehicles, but was still able to get away.  The police called off their pursuit for safety reasons.

 

 

At that point, Johanna got a hankering for some McDonald’s.  It was around 8:45 A.M., so apparently she wanted breakfast.  So she hit up a drive-thru.  (???)

 

 

The police weren’t actively CHASING her, but they DID track her down in the drive-thru line.  Johanna tried to get away . . . again . . . but she ended up crashing into a pile of mulch on the McDonald’s property.

 

 

She was arrested, and is facing a dozen charges . . . including failure to stop for police, leaving the scene of an accident with personal injury, assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon, malicious mischief to motor vehicle, disturbing the peace, and disorderly conduct.  (ABC News / WHDH)

 

Rizz News 2

Did You Suffer from “Dead Butt Syndrome” Last Year?

 

Here’s a new health condition to worry about.  And it’s got a catchy name you won’t forget.  Did you suffer from DEAD BUTT SYNDROME last year?

 

 

Dead butt syndrome . . . or DBS . . . is when you experience pain, numbness, or tingling in and around your butt muscles.  And it’s usually from sitting too much.

 

 

Doctors have seen it a lot more since the pandemic hit because we’ve been less active.  And we’ve also been working from the couch, which doesn’t help.

 

 

Dead butt syndrome isn’t a formal diagnosis.  It’s a catch-all term doctors use for various things that can make your butt feel like it’s given up on you.

 

 

If it has ever felt like your butt fell asleep, that’s kind of what DBS is like.  But if it just happens once in a while, your butt is probably still alive and well.

 

 

If it happens a lot and lasts more than an hour or two, you might have a dead butt.  But the good news is it’s reversible, and preventable.

 

 

To reduce your risk for DBS, just stand up and stretch every 30 minutes.  In general, more movement should help.

 

 

(Lifehacker / HuffPost)

 

Crap_On_01

In a Twitch live stream on Tuesday, MARK HOPPUS revealed he was diagnosed in late April with Stage 4-A Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma. It’s an aggressive type of cancer that attacks the white blood cells. (AUDIO) His mom actually had the same exact type of cancer and BEAT IT . . . she also beat breast cancer TWICE. He also mentioned that he doesn’t listen to any songs or eat foods he likes while in the chemo chair because he doesn’t want to later associate it with the terrible experience. Mark recently had a test done to determine the effectiveness of the chemo, but there hasn’t been an update.  He is optimistic and said, quote, “We’re beating this cancer . . . it’s just a matter of time.” 

COVID’s making a comeback.  Someone in the Foo Fighters camp has covid and now both GABRIEL IGLESIAS and WIZ KHALIFA both have it. Fingers crossed after the Garth Brooks 65,000 attendees concert in Vegas. 

A NEW documentary about adoptions in Cambodia that will look at whether Angelina Jolie’s son Maddox may have been stolen from his birth family. She was one of hundreds of American parents who used Lauryn Galindo to facilitate the adoption of Maddox from Cambodia – apparently unaware of her potentially unethical practices. Back in 2002 during the adoption of Maddox questions came up about his “orphan status” with Cambodia child welfare workers believing he might have been sold by a poverty-stricken mother for $100. At the time, the head of a human rights agency who investigated the adoption scandal, said: “I’m sure that this child was not a real orphan and was not abandoned.” However, Jolie said she’d gone to great lengths to verify that Maddox had no living parents and has always maintained that he was an orphan. A new documentary in the making is called The Stolen Children. A year after Maddox’s adoption, Galindo and a partner were both charged. There were falsifying of documents to obtain US visas for ‘orphans’.  Galindo was imprisoned for 18 months in 2004 for the same crime and money laundering. She has since been released and is living in Hawaii. She denies  any wrongdoing, despite pleading guilty. She also said she’d be happy to help with the documentary but hasn’t heard from any connected to it. Prosecutors maintained that Galindo, a U.S. citizen may have received as much as $9.2 million from adoptive parents, according to claims made in her criminal proceedings. 

I have most of Shark Week recorded but have only watched Spawn of El Diablo so far. But the Jackass episode is shaking out to be insane. New “Jackass” star Sean “Poopies” McInerney got emotional recounting how he was bitten during that Shark Week special. 

There’s a new game coming out this fall called “Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl”.  It’s a fighting game that’s basically Nintendo’s “Super Smash Brothers”, but with Nickelodeon characters. They include SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy from “SpongeBob SquarePants”, some “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”, Reptar from “Rugrats”, Powdered Toast Man from “Ren & Stimpy”, and Helga from “Hey Arnold!”. 

Harrison Ford is 79 years old and filming Indiana Jones 5. He is almost 80 so let’s get him some help. Let’s cast someone younger to maybe help with the heavy lifting. So added to the cast is 60 year old Antonnio Banderas. Details about Banderas’ character and the plot of the film are currently being kept under wraps. Or more likely a nice shawl. Steven Spielberg is producing. John Williams, who has worked on every score in the series, will return as composer. Indiana Jones 5 is currently dated for a July 28, 2022 release.  

Playing on BOTH of their rock solid histories with relationships  BEN AFFLECK and JENNIFER LOPEZ went house hunting in L.A. yesterday. They checked out a few mansions with a realtor, including a 31,000-square-foot joint that’s on the market for $65 million and has its own bowling alley. 

ASHTON KUTCHER would have been going on Virgin Galactic’s next mission to space.  But MILA KUNIS stepped in with some reasonable, but downer advice. Ashton said quote, “When I got married and had kids, my wife basically encouraged that it was not a smart family decision to be heading into space when we have young children.”  The kids are four and six years old. So, he ended up selling his ticket back to Virgin Galactic. But Ashton did say at some point he WILL be going to space 

MACHINE GUN KELLY used to have a “GQ” poster of MEGAN FOX hanging in his bedroom.  He even has an arm tattoo of the Decepticons logo from “Transformers” . . . so I guess you could say he is QUITE the fanboy living out his teenage fantasies. Or as he puts it, quote, “That’s some full-circle, [stuff].” A guy who went to high school with MGK said, quote, “At least one classmate recalls [MGK] vowing he’d marry [Megan] one day.” 

At this point if something happens, we should just assume there’s a “Simpsons” episode that predicted it YEARS AGO.  Like the 2014 episode “The War Of Art”, that showed RICHARD BRANSON kicking back IN SPACE. Even Virgin Galactic re-Tweeted a meme about it, saying, quote, “‘The Simpsons’ predicted it,” with a handclap emoji. For the record, Virgin Galactic was founded in 2004, so this isn’t necessarily their most astonishing prediction.  

JAMES GANDOLFINI was offered a role on “The Office”.  NBC wanted him to replace STEVE CARELL after he left.  They even offered him $4 million. But HBO didn’t want him to do it, so they paid him $3 million to turn it down. This came up on the “Talking Sopranos” podcast, hosted by James’ former “Sopranos” co-stars MICHAEL IMPERIOLI and BOBBY SCHIRRIPA. Their guest was RICKY GERVAIS, who created and starred in the original version of “The Office” in the U.K. Ricky had never heard this story, but he suggested that HBO wanted to, quote, “keep the legacy of ‘The Sopranos’ pure.” But it may have also been because James had a deal at the time to produce the HBO miniseries “The Night Of”. 

 

Dead singers/bands…put them in order of which you’d see first to last:

Bob Marley, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Jimmie Hendrix, Biggie Smalls, Tupac, Whitney Houston, Queen, Princ

Celebrating a Birthday today:

Wrestler Bobby Lashley is 45.

Jackass star Chris Pontius is 47.

Corey Feldman is 50.

Ed Kowalczyk from the band Live is 50.

One of the greatest running backs of all time, Barry Sanders is 53.

Will Ferrell is 54.

Phoebe Cates is 58.

Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatley is 63.

Drummer for Police, Stewart Copeland is 69.

Hall of Fame NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is 78.

On Saturday: 

Country singer Luke Bryan turns 45.

Bill from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Alex Winter turns 56.

German chancellor Angela Merkel turns 67.

David Hasselhoff turns 69.

Black Sabbath bassist Geezer Butler turns 72.

Prince Charles’ wife, Camilla Parker Bowles turns 74.

Sportscaster Verne Lundquist turns 81.

Donald Sutherland turns 86.

And on Sunday: 

Boxer Canelo Álvarez turns 31.

Kristen Bell turns 41.

Paper Planes singer M.I.A. turns 46.

Penny Hardaway turns 50.

Vin Diesel turns 54.

Host Wendy Williams turns 57.

Billionaire Richard Branson turns 71.

Jacksonville Jaguars owner Shahid Khan turns 71.

Barbara Streisand’s husband James Brolin turns 81.

Former New York Yankees coach and St. Louis Cardinal infielder and manager Joe Torre turns 81

Melissa Monet

Today’s birthday girl has been in 207 fine films, including:

– Anal Adventures of Suzy Superslut 3

– Assume the Position

– Best Butt in the West 3

– Butt Sisters Do Baltimore

– Butt Sisters Do Chicago

– Butt Sisters Do Daytona

– Butt Sisters Do Hawaii

– Dr. Finger’s House of Lesbians

– Momma Gotta Big Ole’ Butt 1

– And who can forget her role in 2009’s It’s Okay She’s My Mother in Law 1

Melissa Monet is 57 years old.

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All-Star outfielder Aaron Judge was among six New York Yankees players who tested positive for COVID-19 yesterday, forcing the postponement of their home game against the Boston Red Sox. The GM of the Yankees said: “It’s a fluid situation that could spread. It has spread to some degree.”  Judge’s positive test has sent some ripples across the league, with players who participated in Tuesday’s All-Star Game flying across the country to play a full slate of games starting today. The Red Sox have said that the team’s five All-Stars would undergo further testing. Unvaccinated All-Stars were tested for COVID-19 while in Denver for the game, and all of the tests came back negative.

Tonight the Cardinals get their series started with the Giants.  Starting the second half of the season, the Cardinals are 44-46.  As of this morning, no starter has been named for the Cardinals.  First pitch is scheduled for 7:15PM.

Team USA is fighting a challenging scenario with COVID-19 as it tries to prepare for the Olympics. The US lost a player Thursday and put another in the health and safety protocol, and USA Basketball announced late last night that the men’s game against Australia has been canceled “out of caution.” Bradley Beal, who was placed in the protocol Wednesday, was ruled out of the Olympics on Thursday. Jerami Grant was also placed into the protocol out of caution. It was announced late yesterday that Beal will not be on the Olympic team moving forward.  Team USA’s final exhibition game is scheduled for Sunday against Spain, with a charter to Japan set for Monday. The U.S. women’s game against Australia will be played as scheduled tonight in Las Vegas.

The Bucks and Suns play game 5 tomorrow night in Phoenix.  On Wednesday, the Bucks tied up the series at 2.  Game 5 tip off tomorrow is scheduled for 8PM.

The British Open golf tournament is happening right now at Royal St George’s Golf Club. As it stands of this morning – Louis Oosthuizen (Louie Ewst-Hayzen) sits on top at 6-under with Jordan Speith, Brian Harman and Colin Morikawa tied for second.  The tournament continues through Sunday.

Richard Sherman was released without bail but with conditions after Thursday’s court hearing following his arrest on a burglary domestic violence charge. His felony burglary domestic violence charge was downgraded to misdemeanor criminal trespass. He can’t possess firearms, can’t use drugs or alcohol, must return to court when requested and has a no-contact order with his father-in-law. Sherman will return to court today for a hearing on his four pending misdemeanors—malicious mischief, DUI, criminal trespass and resisting arrest. Police say Sherman tried to break into his father-in-law’s hosue after he crashed his vehicle early Wednesday morning in a construction zone.  Sherman’s father-in-law armed himself with a handgun and used pepper-spray on the cornerback when Sherman tried to break into the home. When police showed up, Sherman reportedly fought with the police but was eventually apprehended with assistance from the K-9 unit. According to a 911 caller who identified herself as the cornerback’s wife, Sherman was intoxicated and threatened to die by suicide during a confrontation with family members. Sherman apparently was yelling suicidal thoughts and sent text messages to people saying he’s going to hang himself.

A new date for the long-awaited third fight between Tyson Fury and Deontay Wilder has been set.  Fury confirmed in a post on his Twitter account that the WBC and Ring heavyweight championship bout will take place on Oct. 9 at the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas. Fury and Wilder were originally supposed to square off on July 24, but the bout was postponed because of a COVID-19 outbreak in Fury’s camp.  There has been a long journey to get to a third fight between Fury and Wilder. Their first bout in Dec. 2018 ended in a draw.  Fury was set to fight Anthony Joshua in Saudi Arabia on Aug. 14, but an arbitrator ruled in May that Wilder had a right to his rematch prior to Sept. 15.  Wilder’s loss to Fury was the first loss of his career in 44 professional fights. Fury is 30-0-1 in 31 bouts since turning pro in 2008.

And finally — Candace Parker is making sports video game history. On Wednesday, 2K Sports announced that the 35-year-old basketball player will grace the NBA 2K22 cover for the WNBA 25th anniversary special edition, making her the first female cover athlete in the franchise’s history. Set to be released on Sept. 10, Parker joins Luka Dončić — who was named the cover athlete for the standard edition — and Kevin Durant, Dirk Nowitzki and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who will star on the cover for the NBA 75th anniversary edition.