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The Weird Father’s Day Gift Each State Is Buying This Year – SimplyCodes

The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear Your Kids Say After They Return Home from Their First Year of College
Can we readjust my allowance for next year?  The price of weed is skyrocketing.

I’m pregnant.  And my professor and I have decided to keep it.

I sold my books back.  Do you want the 45 cents or should I just keep it?

For finals, I was burning the midnight oil . . . but not as much as I was burning the midnight blunts.

My name is now a symbol and my pronouns are now they/them/theirs.

It’s been a month since fraternity initiation, and I STILL can’t sit comfortably.

Sure, I’ll go to law school.  That way, I can afford to put you in one of the cleaner nursing homes.

It’s called EDM and everybody’s listening to it!

I can’t believe how much I is learning!

I’m switching from pre-med to journalism.

I’d be doing great academically . . . if they gave grades for Beer Pong.

Wanna see my new hood piercing?

I lost my scholarship after the coach figured out that I’m not really on the rowing team.

Does our health insurance cover Plan B pills?

Clear out the basement, I’m staying!

There are There’s a Massive Girl Scout Cookie Surplus – USAToday

Americans Are Keeping Their Cars Longer, as Vehicle Age Hits 12 Years – WSJ

A Man Went All “Mission Impossible” to Steal . . . Some Dippin’ Dots? – KETK

A Guy Stole an Ambulance . . . to Drive Himself to the Hospital – NBCNews

NY woman allegedly drives stolen ambulance into bay following police chase – FoxNews

Someone Got Caught at a Bar After Taking a Sick Day . . . and a Judge Ruled They Shouldn’t Have Been Fired? – Metro

New Trend: Planning Pregnancies Around Your Child’s Zodiac Sign – StudyFinds

A Third of Us Are Swearing More Than We Used To – TheGuardian

This Is the “Most Annoying” Coca-Cola Drink to Order on a Plane, Flight Attendant Says – EatThis

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ROGER WATERS from PINK FLOYD says what he wants to say. People will not always agree with his bluntness. But this is funny.  Facebook founder MARK ZUCKERBERG reached out to him to pay him a gang of money to use Another Brick in the Wall Part 2”. I don’t think itll be happening

CHRISSY TEIGEN’s past as a massive social media troll came back to bite her last month, when COURTNEY STODDEN called her out for viciously bullying her 10 years ago when Courtney was 16. Telling her to kill herself and more. Chrissy issued a quick apology and then disappeared.  Now she’s back with a LONG apology. She said, quote, “Not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven’t felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I’ve said in the past.” She said that she’s in the process of privately reaching out to people she’s insulted, and will be happy to, “listen to what they say, while apologizing through sobs.” She added, “There is simply no excuse for my past horrible tweets.  My targets didn’t deserve them.  No one does.  I was a troll, full stop.  And I am so sorry.” This comes after she started losing sponsors and paying gigs. …Michael Costello of Project Runway is also accusing her of trying to get him blacklisted from the industry, because she mistakenly thought he posted something racist all the way back in 2014. He tried to convince her the racism allegations were untrue… Instagram proved it was a Photoshopped comment– she persisted, and told him his career was over. He posted screenshots where she says, “racist people like you deserve to suffer and die”. Chrissy, along with stylist Monica Rose, used their power to get brands and companies to not work with him.   

COURTNEY LOVE called out TRENT REZNOR on Instagram Sunday.  She said, quote, “I’ve never seen so much systemic abuse of kids, girls as young as 12, by him and his crew.” She claims she and the members of her band HOLE all witnessed it, so whatever she saw must have happened a while ago. She also attacked DAVE GROHL over a Nirvana royalties agreement.  She said Dave is NOT the “nicest guy in Rock” and that he, quote, “continues to enrich himself, gorging on Kurt’s fortune and Kurt’s goodwill.” She also said Foo Fighters and Nine Inch Nails have used her likeness negatively in their music videos. She added, quote, “These two [jerks] are not my #metoo’s because I’m saving my 1 up … [but] they’re darn close.” She ended up deleting the post, but, you know, the Internet is kind of forever

KEVIN HART is the latest celebrity to rage over what he considers to be out-of-control cancel culture. In an interview with a British newspaper he said, quote, “If somebody has done something truly damaging then, absolutely, a consequence should be attached.  But when you just talk about . . . nonsense? “When did we get to a point where life was supposed to be perfect?  Where people were supposed to operate perfectly all the time?  I don’t understand . . .  Because, last I checked, the only way you grow up is from [effing] up.  “I don’t know a kid who hasn’t [effed] up or done some dumb [stuff].” He added, quote, “I’ve been cancelled, what, three or four times?  Never bothered.  If you allow it to have an effect on you, it will.” 

There is a sequel coming to a movie that came out in 1996…This original has a 50% on Rotten Tomatoes. With a $25 million budget it’s box office was $32.2 million. It’s opening weekend it was the number 5 movie in the country. The comedy doesn’t seem to generate the same amount of love as other Farrelly Brothers titles from its era, like Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary, but it’s a rather enjoyable and underrated movie. One of the co stars has gone off the deep end and may have been on the run from the government for a while. Is it Bio-Dome…Happy Gilmore…or maybe The Birdcage? A sequel to Kingpin is reportedly in the works.  And the Farrelly Brothers are set to produce the sequel, which is now in “active development”. No word if the Farrelly Brothers will also come back to direct. No plot details or release info has come out as of yet. 

Soon you can say” I got me some Exotic…Joe Exotic. Mr. Exotic is launching his own cannabis line all while doing hard time in federal prison. He has been working on it since last July.  He is partnering with Tango Hotel Charlie Group, LLC and Cannaxxs LTD to launch Joe Exotic Cannabis. It will be sold in dispensaries throughout California, Colorado and Oklahoma(medicinal).   The launch will happen within weeks, and a share of Joe’s profits will go towards captive tiger care.  

Grammy-nominated composer TOM HOLKENBORG is auctioning off his services for YOUR personal soundtrack. Tom worked on “Mad Max: Fury Road”, “Deadpool” and Zack Snyder’s “Justice League”. He’ll interview the winner of the auction then create a 20-minute score based on their life story.  The “Soundtrack of Your Life” will be delivered as an NFT, so it’s exclusive. The auction will take place at AmplifyX.com on the 16th.  10% of the money will be donated to LEONARDO DICAPRIO’s Earth Alliance charity. 

Fast And Furious 9 will hit theaters starting June 25th. You might be thinking, when will this franchise come to an end?  Vin Diesel says enjoy while you can. The final two movies will be released in 2023 and 2024.   

The “Harley Quinn” cartoon on HBO Max isn’t really for kids, because it’s loaded with violence and profanity.  But the creators can’t just do anything they want.  In a recent interview, one of them revealed that they wanted to do a scene where Batman is giving Catwoman a favor of the ORAL variety.  But DC said they “absolutely” couldn’t do it. The guy said, quote, “They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’  So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ “They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes.  It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also [orally pleasing] someone.'” 

POST MALONE dropped $1.6 million on new porcelain veneers and . . . DIAMOND FANGS. The two diamonds have a total weight of 12 carats . . . and combined with the 28 units of ceramic restoration, he literally does have a million-dollar smile. The average engagement ring is only a little over ONE carat . . . and Posty has 12 . . . IN HIS MOUTH. The dentist who did the work posted a picture of Post with his new teeth 

Metallica is suing insurer Lloyd’s of London over a handful of South American shows that were canceled in 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Lloyd’s has allegedly refused to compensate the band for losses they endured from six South American dates, even though Metallica purchased a  “cancellation, abandonment and non-appearance insurance” policy. Lloyd’s is using its “communicable disease exclusion” so it won’t have to reimburse the band and claim Metallica is “unreasonably” interpreting the policy.  

Celebrating a Birthday today: 

North West is 8.  Kim and Kanye’s daughter Nori. 

Tim Lincecum is 37.  Former Giants and Angels pitcher who won two National League Cy Young Awards in his first two seasons in the majors. 

Neil Patrick Harris is 48. 

Gary Busey’s son Jake Busey is 50. 

Leah Remini is 51. 

Ice Cube is 52. 

Friend’s actress Courteney Cox is 57. 

Helen Hunt is 58. 

Famous baseball player Wade Boggs is 63. 

John Belushi’s brother Jim Belushi is 67. 

MLB manager Dusty Baker is 72.

Porn B

Mary Carey

Today’s birthday girl has been in 146 fine films, including:

– Asses in the Air 4

– Best Breasts in the Biz

– Double Air Bags 11

– Funbag Fantasies 5

– Liquid Gold 9

– New Wave Hookers 7

– And who could forget her role in 2002’s When The Boyz Are Away The Girlz Will Play 7

Mary Carey is 41 years old.

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The Cardinals are back in the win column after they beat the Marlins at Busch last night 4-2.  Adam Wainwright got the no decision after going 6 innings giving up 4 hits and 2 runs.  The two teams are back at it again as KK takes the mound.  First pitch is scheduled for 7:15PM.

Major League Baseball is expected to announce Tuesday that it will suspend players caught with any foreign substance for 10 days with pay to help curtail the widespread use of grip enhancers by pitchers around the league. The league is expected to distribute a memo to teams — which have been briefed on the policy change — that outlines its plans to penalize all players caught by umpires with any foreign substance on their person, from the widely used sunscreen-and-rosin combination to Spider Tack, an industrial glue that has become a favorite among pitchers who want to generate more spin on the ball. Over the next week, players, teams, umpires and the league will get to process the specifics and prepare for baseball’s next iteration: one without foreign substance and with questions about just how realistic that might be.

The Golden Knights made easy work of the Canadiens last night in Game 1 of their Stanley Cup Playoff Semi-Final.  The Golden Knights got the 4-1 and are now up 1-0 in that series.  Tonight – it’s game two between the Islanders and Lightning.  Puck drop is scheduled for 7PM with New York up 1-0 in that series.

The Rangers have their new coach, and he’s bringing nine NHL seasons of head coaching experience with him. Gerard Gallant was hired by the Rangers yesterday. The 57-year-old will be the 36th head coach in franchise history, and the Rangers will be the fourth NHL team Gallant takes over. Gallant replaces David Quinn, who along with GM Jeff Gorton and team president John Davidson, was fired last month after missing the playoffs. The Canadian-born Gallant most recently led Team Canada to a gold medal at the World Championship at the beginning of this month. After starting the tournament 0-3, Gallant took an average roster and turned them into champions. He has coached for Columbus, Florida, and Vegas before this gig.

Last night we saw the Hawks tied up their series with the 76ers with a win.  Also the Clippers beat the Jazz to even their series up at 2 a piece.  Tonight the Nets and Bucks play game 5 with their series all tied up.  In that Nets’/Bucks game tonight….no James Harden…No Kyrie Irving.

Shelby Houlihan, the American record holder in the 1,500 meters and 5,000 meters, tested positive for the banned substance nandrolone in an out-of-competition drug test in December. She is now facing a four-year suspension. She said QUOTE “I feel completely devastated, lost, broken, angry, confused and betrayed by the very sport that I’ve loved. I want to be very clear. I have never taken any performance enhancing substances. And that includes that of which I am being accused.” Houlihan says that she ate a burrito from a food truck near her home in Oregon approximately 10 hours before the drug test. The burrito contained pig meat, which lawyers claim COULD typically serve as a source for Nandrolone.  Worst part about it…The U.S. Olympic Trials begin on Friday.

Bartolo Colon is still dealing on the mound.  The now 48-year-old Colon has not pitched in MLB since 2018, but is now playing for a team in the Mexican League. Colon threw a complete game five-hitter on Saturday night. After striking out seven and allowing two runs, Colon lowered his season ERA to 3.56 in five starts. Colon’s last appearance in the majors came in 2018, when he was with the Rangers. For his career, Colon is a four-time MLB All-Star and won the American League Cy Young Award as a member of the Angels in ’05. His 247 career wins are the most of any MLB pitcher born in Latin America.

Olympic champion Ryan Lochte failed to advance from the preliminaries of the 200-meter freestyle on Monday, his first event of the U.S. Olympic swimming trials. The 36-year-old Lochte, attempting to make his fifth Olympic team, posted a time good enough for 25th place overall. The top 16 advanced to the evening semifinals. Lochte was also entered Monday in the 100 backstroke, but he scratched that event. Even though Lochte initially entered six events at the trials, it appears the 200 individual medley is the only race in which he has any realistic shot of earning a trip to Tokyo.