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Home » Rizzuto Show » Fail Stories » #FAIL! Big cat poacher is mauled to death and EATEN by the pride of lions he was hunting, Accused Lake City bank robber gave drivers license to manager, Friend shoots at flak jacket but misses, hitting buddy in the buttocks, and MORE!

#FAIL! Big cat poacher is mauled to death and EATEN by the pride of lions he was hunting, Accused Lake City bank robber gave drivers license to manager, Friend shoots at flak jacket but misses, hitting buddy in the buttocks, and MORE!


Cops say angry boyfriend pulled car’s emergency brake lever at 60 mph

Here’s what you shouldn’t do if you get into an argument in the car.

State police at York reported Monday that, on Jan. 23, Charles Joline III started arguing with his 18-year-old girlfriend while she was driving on Route 74 in Peach Bottom Township.

Joline got so angry he reached over and pulled the emergency brake lever while the car was going 50 to 60 mph, Trooper Timothy Reynolds said.

Bad idea.

The locking brakes immediately threw the car into a skid. It rolled over and hit a bank.

Reynolds said Joline crawled out of the wreck and ran away without trying to help the woman. She was taken to York Hospital for treatment of her injuries.

Joline, 23, of Delta, was arrested the next day on charges of aggravated assault, simple assault, risking a catastrophe and reckless endangerment.



It’s definitely too cold to commit crimes right now.  A 33-year-old guy named Kenneth Shutes Jr. got pulled over in New Richmond, Minnesota last week.  He had a revoked license plus some weed on him, so he took off running.  And he actually got away from the cops.

There was just one big problem.  It was minus-8 degrees outside, and Kenneth ran into a swamp to hide.  So less than an hour later, he wound up CALLING the cops, on himself.  He said he couldn’t feel his legs in the cold, so he couldn’t walk, and he needed them to rescue him.

They tracked him down in the frozen swamp and took him to the hospital.  Once he got all the feeling back in his legs, he was arrested.

(Here’s his mugshot.)

(Twin Cities Pioneer Press


A Guy Is Busted With Two Fake Butt Cheeks Stuffed with Cocaine

I thought the goal of drug smuggling was NOT to draw extra attention to yourself.

A 32-year-old man just flew into Lisbon, Portugal from Brazil.  But when he landed in the airport, some agents there realized he was under investigation for drug trafficking.

And they didn’t have to work too hard to figure out HOW he was trying to bring drugs into Portugal.  Because one thing about the guy really stood out:  His VOLUPTUOUS backside.

The agents searched the guy and found he was wearing two fake BUTT CHEEKS, and each one had over a pound of cocaine inside.

He was arrested for drug trafficking. 



A Woman Tries Hiding From the Cops by Putting a Laundry Hamper Over Her Head

You’re not going to be able to hide from the cops if your hiding technique isn’t good enough to trick a two-year-old.

The police in Derbyshire, England went to a woman’s house on Monday after she skipped a court appearance, and she tried to hide from them . . . by putting a laundry hamper over her head and standing perfectly still.

But . . . um . . . it only covered her head and about half of her torso.  So somehow, the cops found her and arrested her . . . after they took a picture of how ridiculous she looked. 



Friend shoots at flak jacket but misses, hitting buddy in the buttocks 

The test of the Vietnam-era flak jacket went well: The three buddies fired a .22-caliber pistol at it, and it stopped the bullets.

The three, all in their late teens, had gathered Saturday at a cabin owned by one of their parents near Branched Oak Lake in northwest Lancaster County.

One of three had purchased the flak jacket, designed to stop shrapnel from land mines and grenades, at a secondhand store, Lancaster County Sheriff Terry Wagner said.

After the successful test, one 19-year-old decided he would don the vest and have his friend, also 19, shoot at it, Lancaster County Sheriff Terry Wagner said Monday. To absorb some of the shock, Wagner said, they put a pillow between the young man’s body and the flak jacket.

The problem, the sheriff said, is that the friend missed and shot his buddy in the buttocks.

“This is like one of those ‘Jackass’ shows,” Wagner said, referring to the MTV reality series that featured videos of people performing stunts and pranks.

“They were confident that the vest would stop the bullet,” Wagner said, “but you gotta hit the vest.”

The 19-year-old who was injured was taken for treatment to Bryan Medical Center’s west campus in Lincoln, where sheriff’s deputies were called about 2:45 p.m. Saturday.

Wagner said officials still are reviewing the case to determine what, if any, charges will be filed. The shooting victim had been drinking, he said, but the shooter hadn’t been.

In light of the incident, Wagner offered this safety tip: “Don’t let your friend shoot you.”


A Couple Sells Everything to Buy a Boat and Sail the World . . . It Sank on the Second Day

At some point, haven’t we all dreamed of giving up our lives, getting on a boat, and sailing around the world?  Um . . . here’s why you shouldn’t.

A 24-year-old woman named Nikki Walsh and her 26-year-old boyfriend Tanner Broadwell actually did it.  They said they were sick of the corporate lifestyle and they wanted to travel the world.

So last year they sold all of their stuff, moved from Colorado to Florida, and bought a 28-foot sailboat . . . even though they didn’t really have any sailing experience.  And last Tuesday, the boat was finally ready, so they set sail for Key West.

The next day, the boat sank.

Apparently they hit something that was underwater, the cabin flooded, and they had to abandon ship.  They were rescued, but the boat is a total loss.

So now Nikki and Tanner really don’t know what to do.  They have no clothes, no money, no stuff, no place to live . . . they really have nothing.

They’re hoping friends and family are going to prop them up for now, and then one day in the future, they’re going to get another boat.  Nikki says, quote, “We can’t just give up on our dreams now.” 

(Tampa Bay Times) 


Armed man robs California 7-Eleven store, breaks into own car after leaving keys inside

A man armed with a shotgun robbed a City Heights, California 7-Eleven store Friday morning but had to break into his own getaway car after he apparently left his keys inside.

San Diego police said the armed robbery happened shortly after 4:30 a.m. local time at the 7-Eleven store in the 4100 block of University Avenue.

Police said the gunman demanded money from the clerk and left the store with an undisclosed amount of cash.

When he went to the parking lot, the gunman noticed that he left his keys inside his car. After smashing a window to unlock a door, the man drove away.

Police are asking the public to look out for a gray 4-door sedan with a broken driver’s side window.

via NBC26

Accused Lake City bank robber gave drivers license to manager, police say

According to the Lake City Police Department, a man made a series of mistakes while robbing a Columbia County bank on Monday. 

According to a news release, Donald Towns, 41, walked out of the Renasant Bank with $1,200 in cash on Monday morning after appearing to show a concealed firearm. He told bank employees he would kill them if they called police, he Lake City Police Department said. 

Towns was arrested 36 minutes after the robbery. Police said Towns said he wanted to open a bank account, and when asked, provided a drivers license to the bank manager, which was photocopied. 

Towns had given the bank manager a note that stated that he had a gun. Police later discovered the note was written on the back of a medical discharge note, which had Towns’ name on it. 

The suspect was located a short distance from the bank and taken to the Columbia County Jail. 

He is being held without bond.



Big cat poacher is mauled to death and EATEN by the pride of lions he was hunting with only his head remaining at South African game reserve

A big cat poacher has been killed and eaten by the pride of lions he was hunting at a private game reserve in South Africa.

The hunter was heard screaming for help as he was attacked at the Ingwelala Private Nature Reserve in Hoedspruit outside Phalaborwa.

But the lions quickly killed their victim and devoured most of his body before being chased off, leaving his head untouched.  

A big cat poacher has been killed and eaten by the pride of lions he was hunting at the Ingwelala Private Nature Reserve in South Africa. Pictured: Two lions at the private park that were not involved in the incident

Police at first thought the dead man was a tractor driver who worked at the game reserve. 

But when he turned up alive, they realised he may have been a poacher. A hunting rifle was found close to what was left of the blood drenched body.

Police in Limpopo have called in the Department of Home Affairs to help them to try to identify the dead man, who was not carrying documents.

Police Lieutenant-Colonel Moatshe Ngoepe said: ‘The process of identifying this body has already commenced and it might be made easier as his head was amongst the remains found at the scene’.

The owner of the reserve, who identified himself as Josh, said he was told not to speak to the media because the police investigation was still under way.

A local worker, from a nearby nature reserve, described the area as lion territory and added: ‘The head was still there but the lions had eaten most of the rest.

‘A scream was heard and the lions were scattered by the sound of gunshots but it was too late to do anything for him. He was eaten’.

Police in Limpopo have called in the Department of Home Affairs to help them to try to identify the dead man, who was not carrying documents. The incident happened at the Ingwelala Game Reserve (pictured)

Mr Ngoepe confirmed police were investigating the possibility the deceased might have been a poacher after a hunting rifle was found near the scene. 

Lions kill up to 250 people a year in Africa and a male weighs 190kg and a female 130kg and they can ran at over 80kph and there are less than 20000 left in the wild in Africa.

Their bones have become highly prized in the the Far East with a skeleton fetching up to £7,000 and the skin £3,000. Teeth can fetch £500 each.

British wildlife photographer Charlie Lynham, 59, from Liverpool who now lives close to the reserve has spent years photographing the resident lion pride that lives there.

He arrived at the gates shortly after the alarm was raised and the paramedics had raced in.

Mr Lynham was told that the suspected poacher had been killed – but he added that it was not yet clear whether the attack had happened inside Ingwelala or in a neighbouring reserve.

‘It turns out it was not the resident pride that lives here responsible as they were on a buffalo kill at the time of the incident but a pride perhaps come over from the Kruger (National Park),’he said.

‘It happened on the border of the Umbabat Game Reserve after dark and may have been on their reserve.

‘Two .456 big game rifles and ammunition were found at the scene and that is the weapon of choice used by those hunting big game – especially elephant and rhino in the bush.

A local worker, from a nearby nature reserve, described the area as lion territory. Pictured:  Ingwelala Game Reserve

‘I cannot say if it was poachers as the matter is under investigation but that is their weapon of choice and they usually work in groups of three and work under cover of darkness. Two sets of footprints have been found running away and obviously the dead and eaten man.’

Mr Lynham said there were no anti-poaching groups in the area at the time and nobody was working in the area.

But he added that, despite being speculation ‘it would seem very possible that you have poetic justice here.’

‘Lions are not a particular danger in daylight but after dark, then that is another matter.

‘It is purely speculation on my part but it would seem they either walked into a pride of lions in the darkness or they were stalked and attacked and a man was taken down and eaten.

‘The other two it seems ran off and two .456 big game rifles were found and ammunition.

He said he had been photographing the Ingwelala pride for years and was ‘concerned in case it was them in case they got accused of attacking humans and there were calls to kill them.’

‘But it was not our pride and was probably one from the Kruger that come over the border,’ he said.

‘If you go out walking in the bush in the dark then I am afraid you are fair game in the wild and there is no way that anyone can attribute any blame to those lions for this kill.’ 

The incident comes just months after poacher Luteni Muhararukua was charged and killed by a rhino he was hunting for its horn in nearby Namibia. 

via Daily Mail