News

A Pile Of Lips And B-Holes

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Man shot roommate in the head during ‘combat simulation – WTSPA

Guy Climbs Under a Moving Wine Trunk on the Highway to Have a Drink – ModBee

Court affirms decision to deny Lincoln man’s claim over fireworks injury – JournalStar

The Cops Handcuffed a Woman in a Stormtrooper Costume Holding a Toy Gun for a “Star Wars” Day Event – RDNewsNow

A Woman in a Stolen Cop Car Somehow Managed to Get Stuck in Traffic – NYPost

Construction crew hits underground fiber line, causes outage of ‘call before you dig’ hotline – MSN

A Man Is Arrested for Mooning Several Customers at Walmart and Recording Their Reactions – APP

Man in China learns it doesn’t pay to bury cash – UPI

A Guy Trying to Get Rid of His Crack Pipe During a Traffic Stop Accidentally Throws It Into a Cop’s Face – MSN

Man walks into Dunkin Donuts with no mask — or pants – NYDailyNews

A Vermont man reportedly walked into a Dunkin Donuts last month without wearing a mask, despite recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control that citizens wear face guards during the pandemic. But the bigger problem for Benjamin Stearman is that he wasn’t wearing pants, according to cops in the roughly 2,000 person town of Ludlow, Vt.

National “Have A Coke” Day – NationalToday

Polar Vortex Could Bring Snow and Record Low Temperatures to East Coast – Time

Bug experts dismiss worry about US ‘murder hornets’ as hype – GO

The Quarantine Has Meant More Video Games . . . But Fewer Showers – PRNewswire

A New 70-Calorie Version of White Claw Is Coming Out – Delish

Lyft has a new policy where drivers and riders are required to wear masks.  You also basically have to pinky swear you don’t have coronavirus before you get in a car.

Pour one out for all the craft breweries who are having to pour one out.  A trade group called the Brewers Association has estimated there are more than one million kegs of craft beer in the U.S. that are just sitting there, going bad right now.

A woman says she’s considering quitting her job after she forgot to mute a Zoom meeting and her coworkers heard her weird habit . . . where she talks to her food as she eats it.

After a ton of bad press, Frontier Airlines has changed its mind about charging people $39 to have an empty middle seat next to them.  The CEO said, quote, “We recognized the concerns raised that we are profiting from safety.”

 A woman in England who predicts the future by using asparagus says she sees, quote, “really great, good news” on coronavirus coming this month.

Former Bad Company singer Brian Howe died Wednesday after suffering a heart attack.  He was 66.  Brian was active from the mid-’80s thru the mid-’90s.  He took over after Paul Rodgers left.

Here’s Elon Musk explaining to Joe Rogan how to pronounce his son’s ridiculous name, X Æ A-12.

Why are Kristin Cavallari and former NFL quarterback Jay Cutler getting a divorce after a decade-long relationship? Because he’s “lazy” and “unmotivated,” …”He was supposed to take this big job at Fox Sports and have a life after football that would get him up off the couch and do something,” says the source. “Instead, he backed out—this is [three] years ago—and joined the [Miami] Dolphins. That didn’t pan out well, and he was left with no TV gig until she got the show (Very Cavallari) for them.” According to that show, Cutler has fielded offers from CBS and ESPN to join their broadcasting teams.

Comedy Central will air a special with a bunch of comedians having real interactions with their mom’s on Mother’s Day called  Call Your Mother.  Louie Anderson, Jim Gaffigan, David Spade and Roy Wood Jr. will  talk to or about their mothers. They hoped the show would spur viewers to call their moms.

Saturday Night Live will be airing the third at-home edition of the show tomorrow night, and that it will also be the Season 45 finale.  The promo shows a bunch of outtakes like  Kate McKinnon has trouble with her green screen, Aidy Bryant is interrupted by a honking car horn, and Pete Davidson’s camera takes a tumble.  

Ariel Winter cut off the tip of her thumb while cooking.  Then, after she got to the hospital, a nurse put the piece of her thumb in a plastic bag and gave it to her, which she threw away on accident.  Here she is telling the story.

The cast of “Community” is getting together . . . remotely, of course . . .either because of the virus or because no one wants to sit next to chevy chase, for a reading of one of the episodes a week from this Monday.  It’ll be followed by a Q&A, and it’ll benefit charities that get food to people in need.

For the first installment of his “Reunited Apart” video series, Josh Gad brought together all our favorite characters from The Goonies. Now, the Frozen actor is set to reunite the iconic cast of Back to the Future. Gad previewed his exciting plans on social media on Tuesday, posting a Zoom call screenshot featuring Marty McFly himself, Michael J. Fox, and Doc Brown, aka Christopher Lloyd. Eight other participants are scheduled to appear in the reunion livestream, but Gad made sure to keep their identities a mystery

The Adidas Yeezy 451 has been revealed.  Don’t waste your time pointing out how hideous the design is, because you KNOW his minions will say they’re GENIUS and spend thousands of dollars on them.

ARIANA GRANDE and JUSTIN BIEBER have a new song called “Stuck With U”.  And they recently put out a call for fans to send in videos of themselves dancing . . . to be used in the track’s official video. Well, CAROLE BASKIN from “Tiger King” sent in a video of herself dancing with her still-living, not-missing husband HOWARD.  And they’re wearing RIDICULOUS cat costumes.   It didn’t make the cut.  Justin shared the clip on Twitter . . . But Ariana quickly told her followers, quote, “For the record, I did not allow or approve this clip to be in the actual video.  But.  Nonetheless.  It exists and that’s . . . unique.” A lot of people got a laugh out of it, and she told one of her fans, quote, “I am very glad someone is laughing.  The [effing] heart attacks I had over this.” So the official video is on the blog and some REAL celebrities made the cut, including Michael Buble, Chance the Rapper, Kendall and Kylie Jenner, Steph Curry, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jaden Smith, Lil Dicky, and Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis.

QUEEN guitarist BRIAN MAY is talented with a guitar in his hands.  But when he’s off the clock, he’s a mortal and 72 years old. Brian found himself at the hospital the other day after he tore a BUTT MUSCLE.  In fact, he says he did a pretty “thorough job” of SHREDDING it. And how did he do it?  He blames, quote, “a moment of over-enthusiastic gardening.” He’s going to be okay, but he needs a little R&R. Is this a Spinal Tap Moment?

I though this was a cool follow up to us talking about cover songs the other day…I have some audio of cover songs btted up next to the original version…it’s a montage but youll hear the brilliant Jimi Hendrix version of Bob Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower”, and Type O Negative’s take on the Seals & Crofts classic “Summer Breeze also with the Red Hot Chili Peppers version of Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground,” Quiet Riot’s cover of “Cum on Feel the Noize,” (Originally by Slade) and “Blinded by the Light” by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band. (Originally by Bruce Springsteen.)

What happens if after the pandemic is over and all the band shave nowhere to play?…The recently formed National Independent Venue Association has launched a campaign to keep venues open.  They say 55 percent of venues will run out of cash after three months of closure, and 90 percent will fail if they remain shut for six months. The group includes 1,300 independent owners, whose #SaveOurStages campaign wants to educate politicians on what venues really do and how the local economy benefits. They want more federal aide. While a concert planned for May 15 is set to feature “fan pods” and capacity reduced by 80 percent to ensure distancing rules are kept, it’s thought unlikely that most independent venues could make the finances of shows like this work. The head of the organization says the industry is low margin like restaurants.   — giant storefronts and high rents and insurance. They have sales tax, property taxes. And we have zero cash flow….“We were prepared to be down for three months. Six months,” she reported. “But now, is it starting to look like 12 months, 18 months? That’s when the existential crisis ensues. We all have personal guarantees out on all this debt. We have no corporate parent. If we can’t pay this debt, they take our personal assets. I think that’s a six-month timeline from here.”

Meanwhile, electronic musician Marc Rebillet announced the first drive-in tour in the U.S. after similar experimental events took place in Europe. He will play six shows in June – in Charlotte, N.C., Kansas City, Tulsa, Houston and Fort Worth, Texas – with audience members watching the show from their cars parked at appropriate distances. A cut of the takings will be contributed to GlobalGiving’s Coronavirus Relief Fund

Is there a connection between being a fan of Seinfeld and being a bit of a freak about germs?

The streaming search engine Reelgood has a list of the top TV shows its users are watching for the FIRST TIME since March 16th, when COVID-19 started forcing Americans to start social distancing.  

1.  “Ozark”, Netflix, 2017-present

2.  “Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, and Madness”, Netflix, 2020

3.  “Breaking Bad”, AMC, 2008-2013

4.  “Game of Thrones”, HBO, 2011-2019

5.  “Westworld”, HBO, 2016-present

6.  “Better Call Saul”, AMC, 2015-present

7.  “The Office”, NBC, 2005-2013

8.  “The Good Place”, NBC, 2016-2020

9.  “Stranger Things”, Netflix, 2016-present

10.  “The Walking Dead”, AMC, 2010-present

While stuck at home over the past several weeks, people have been forced to cook for themselves more–and have maybe gotten around to that home-improvement and gardening project they’ve been putting off forever. They’ve also been watching a lot of TV, so it makes a ton of sense that the Food Network’s ratings were up 25 percent year-over-year in April, while HGTV saw its viewership increase by 22 percent. 

David Chase just wrote a new “Sopranos” scene where the characters deal with life in quarantine.  Steve Schirripa said, quote, “It’s the first time he’s written [these characters] since 2007.” By the way, the timeline doesn’t actually work for it to be 2020 . . . because it includes some characters that died on the show.  See it at Vulture.com.Hank Azaria has been doing character voices on “The Simpsons” for 32 years.  He was a guest with Conan last night and was asked what voices are the toughest on his vocal cords. And what voice is his favorite to do

BIRTHDAYS

Enrique Iglesias is 45

Alex Van Halen is 67

Toni Tennille is 80.  Tennielle of The Captain & Tennille fame

David Attenborough is 94.  British naturalist who’s responsible for all of those amazing nature documentaries on the Discovery Channel like “Planet Earth”“Life”, and “Frozen Planet”

Audrina Patridge is 35.  She was on “The Hills”

Prince Fielder is 36

Rosario Dawson is 41.  

Andrew W.K. is 41

Chris Diamantopoulos is 45.  Russ Hanneman on HBO’s Silicon Valley.

James L. Brooks is 80.  One of the three men who developed “The Simpsons”.  

Kenan Thompson is 42.  

Young MC is 53

Bono from U2 is 60

Mark David Chapman is 65

Tito Santana is 67

Donovan is 74Today’s BURTON BIRTHDAY of the DAY is a man who had MULTIPLE hits and MASSIVE tours.  He also had multiple hits when it came to the ladies as well.  The Entertainer, Just The Way You Are, Movin’ Out, Still Rock & Roll To Me, Uptown Girl..we can go on….Billy Joel is 71 years young today.

pb

PORNO BIRTHDAY

ANDREA BRITTIAN

Today’s birthday gal has been had more hands on her than an official NBA basketball in 68 fine films including:

  • Ball In The Family
  • Whore of the Worlds
  • Down The Drain
  • You’re The Boss
  • Sore Throat
  • And who could forget…her unforgettable role in…E3: The Extra Testicle

ANDREA BRITTIAN is 57 YEARS OLD

While the NFL released its 2020 schedule Thursday, the league still is putting contingency plans into place should the coronavirus pandemic force the league to push games back.

  • If games are delayed, earlier weeks on the schedule could be pushed until after Week 17. That means any week on the released schedule could technically turn into Week 1.
  • Super Bowl LV is slated for Feb. 7 but could be moved back, depending on a potential delay.
  • To accommodate for the potential of schedule reshuffling, every team was given the same bye as their Week 2 opponent.

The NFL released its full 2020 schedule on Thursday night, and the Texans and Chiefs will kick things off at Arrowhead Stadium to open the season. You can see the full list of all 32 teams’ schedules on the blog.  One interesting note…besides the games he was suspended for all the deflate-gate stuff…Week 1 will be the first week in YEARS that Tom Brady will not be the favored QB as the Bucs start off their season in New Orleans against the Saints.

Las Vegas is ready for football.   The Las Vegas Raiders sold out their entire allotment of tickets for their 2020 home slate at Allegiant Stadium. It’s not just season tickets, either, as every single home ticket in the stadium has been sold for the team’s inaugural campaign in Sin City. The Raiders announced their schedule Thursday, and fans will be treated to a Monday night showdown against Drew Brees and the Saints, a Sunday night clash with Tom Brady and the Buccs and another Sunday night matchup with Patrick Mahomes and the defending champion Chiefs.

If the NHL is able to resume the 2019-20 season, one idea reportedly receiving consideration would be moving right into the Stanley Cup playoffs. The postseason would feature 24 teams and a best-of-three play-in round. There’s no indication at this point when the NHL might be able to restart its season, as players are still under a stay-at-home advisory that could be updated “within the week.” The NHL issued a memo to teams and players last month that stated “provided we continue to trend favorably” facilities could be opened in the “mid-to-later portion of May.”

The NBA is taking a number of precautions as teams gradually shift toward allowing personnel in practice facilities, and one of those precautions will reportedly involve keeping those with high temperatures out of the buildings.  The league told its teams that anyone with a temperature equal to or greater than 99.1 degrees Fahrenheit will not be allowed inside on that day. That comes after the NBA told teams they can open their practice facilities starting Friday if they are in states with more lenient stay-at-home orders during the coronavirus pandemic. The temperature readings are far from the only restrictions in place.

If the highly anticipated Ohio State vs. Oregon college football game is going to take place in Eugene on Sept. 12 as scheduled, it will likely be played without fans.  The governor announced Thursday that the state of Oregon will take initial steps toward reopening amid the coronavirus pandemic on May 15. At the same time, she said the Oregon Health Authority is advising that “any large gathering at least through September should be canceled or modified.”  She specifically mentioned sporting events, concerts, conventions and festivals as large gatherings that cannot take place until more reliable treatment for the coronavirus — like a vaccine — is available. 

Golf is about to return to the U.S. after a pandemic-caused break with a red-hot feud between Brady Schnell and Vijay Singh. Singh, a PGA Tour veteran, is set to enter the Korn Ferry Challenge at TPC Sawgrass, which is generally meant for lower-tier players scrapping for cash and a chance at a bigger stage. The 35-year-old Schnell, who has bounced between pro levels, took exception to Singh’s imminent presence in the competition. He said on Twitter: “Hey @VijaySinghGolf you are a true piece of trash if you [accept] money playing in a Korn Ferry Tour event and I’ll say it right to your face.” “He’s a complete turd for playing. He’s got his money and he’s got his career. Just wait another month and roll with your senior friends on the Champions Tour.” Schnell eventually apologized for the tone of his messages but maintained he was frustrated at Singh who has earned more than $70 million in his golf career. Singh has not responded to Schnell’s comments.

If Oscar De La Hoya was serious about returning to the boxing ring for a match with Conor McGregor, the UFC superstar is ready to take on the challenge.   McGregor wrote on Twitter that he accepts De La Hoya’s challenge. The response comes in the wake of De La Hoya’s recent appearance on a podcast in which he said he would need just two rounds to knock out McGregor.  McGregor’s first foray into boxing was against Floyd Mayweather Jr. in August 2017. Mayweather won the match by TKO in the 10th round. De La Hoya, 47, retired from competition after losing to Manny Pacquiao in December 2008. 

And finally – speaking of UFC – UFC 249 is tomorrow night in Jacksonville.  It’ll be fought with no fans, but the card is pretty legit.  Tony Ferguson takes on Justin Gaethje (GayGee) in the main event.   Henry Cejudo will take on Dominick Cruz in the Co-Main.  Also – former NFLers Greg Hardy will take on Yorgan De Castro on the card.