Sexy Time Fun Facts
SEXY TIME FUN FACTS 08-25-14
SEX IN EXOTIC PLACES
What's an overrated place to have sex?
Listen in and hear some sexy stories or not-so-sexy stories about the most overrated sex destinations...
HAVING SEX IN YOUR CAR
Back in the day, everyone had sex in the backseat of a car. These days, kids get high on meth and have orgies while their parents are in the other room, thrilled their little angel is hosting a study group. But back to the car thing . . . According to a new survey, HALF of people say they've had sex in a car at least once in their lives. And the average person has had sex in a car FIVE times. Older people are more likely to have had sex in a car, because that really used to be THE place to go have sex. People ages 35 to 55 were more likely than people 18 to 34 to have had sex in a car. The most popular spot to park the car for sex was a lookout point. I guess those still exist? A parking lot or garage was second. And 3% of people say they've had sex in a MOVING car.
THE BEACH IS THE MOST POPULAR PLACE PEOPLE FANTASIZE ABOUT CLIMAXING...AND 7% WANT TO DO IT AT CHURCH?
We've seen a lot of surveys on crazy places people want to GET IT ON. But there's a new survey from Durex that doesn't necessarily involve having a PARTNER. Here are twelve weird places people fantasize about climaxing . . . with or WITHOUT someone else being involved.
On the beach, 39%.
On a plane, 32%.
In a movie theater, 30%.
In the office, 28%.
In a car, 23% . . . which is interesting, because 36% said they've already DONE IT.
In a fitting room, 22%.
On a roof or a balcony, 20%.
In the back of a cab, 16%.
At the library, 15%.
On the subway, 10%. (That's just nasty. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. You know who you are . . .)
In a CEMETERY, 8% . . . and 3% say they've already DONE THAT. At church, 7%.
10 MOST DANGEROUS PLACES TO HAVE SEX
That’s right. Little did you know that dangerous sex happens right at home. Research shows most sex-related injuries take place on the sofa–a.k.a. the place you probably lost your virginity. We might not be necessarily talking about life-threatening injuries, but the quickest way to some serious couch burn is taking your lovely lady love to the sofa for a quick in-out. As we all know, couch burn sucks!
9. Moving Car
Your road head fantasy is pretty dangerous and can wind you in a hell of a lot of police trouble. Can you imagine it feeling so good that you, losing feeling in your toes, decide to close your eyes for a few brief seconds when you bust? With 6.5 million car accidents every year, this is hardly a recommendable course of action. A little fender bender could put Mr. Happy out of commission permanently.
8. The beach
Sex on the beach is so popular some jerk named a girly drink after it. Actual sex on the beach might not fuel your adrenaline addiction, but it will feed your need for dangerous sex. Find a lady into exhibitionism, head down to the shore, start knocking boots… and get infected with whatever disgusting bacteria lives in the water. God knows what might be lurking in the sand of some of these beaches. Even worse, she’ll blame you, tell her friends that you gave her a STD and you won’t get laid again for years. On top of that, you’re almost guaranteed to have to handle a woman with sand in her vagina. Who wants that?
7. Adult Arcade
Every city of any size has an adult arcade. This is a porn store with booths in the back. Sex in these booths isn’t just allowed, it’s encouraged as long as you keep feeding the meter. Still, you aren’t the first person to have sex there this hour. That stuff on the floor isn’t mud–it’s weeks of congealed, scary sex slime.
6. The woods
Two words: Bear attack. Can you imagine having sex in the woods and a bear getting jealous and wanting to jump in on it? Yeah, sounds like a nightmare, so it’s prudent to avoid lovemaking amongst wildlife.
5. Your girlfriend’s mother’s house
It doesn’t really matter how old she is, she’s still the girl her father bandaged up after falling off her bike when she was six. No matter how accustomed to you and his daughter having sex her father is, it’s a whole different ball game returns home to his den and sees you raw-dogging her on his desk. You might actually get shot.
4. The supply closet at work
Oddly enough, this is the tenth most common place for sexual injuries. You might pull down a rack of pens onto yourself or, even worse, you might bang your head against a shelf and get a concussion. You could also find you career ending rather abruptly when you get discovered by your boss, who’s sure to fire you. In any case, the supply closet isn’t the wisest place to go looking for a lunchtime quickie.
3. The internet
We know you sometimes get lonely when your girl is out of town. Sometimes, hopping on Skype and having a wank together is the closest you can get. If she records it, however, remember that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You’re not Colin Farrell or Ray J–when your sex tape hits the web, you won’t be able to laugh it off and move on to your next movie deal.
2. The shower
Shower sex is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. One elite member managed to accidentally power bomb his girlfriend after slipping on soap while having a slippery shag. Another almost got a concussion after the towel rack he was holding as support popped out of the wall. The injuries that shower sex can cause are by far the worst possible.
1. Foam Party
Number one: You’re in a big pit of foam with promiscuous college students. Number two: Remember what we said about the beach? Number three: There’s no Gardasil for men. Add all this up and you’ve got a big fat “DON’T DO IT, BRO.” The amount of diseases you’ll contract in that foam is far beyond what your mind could comprehend.
TIPS ON HAVING SEX OUTDOORS THIS SUMMER
1. Timing is everything. Central Park on a Saturday at noon? Are you kidding? While you may have a couple of places to where you can creep off to be, well, creepy, just think about that holy awkward moment when little Sally chases after her ball into the bushes and she gets an eyeful of another type of balls entirely. There’s nothing wrong with maybe giving someone a quick show of something that they didn’t expect to see on a Saturday afternoon, especially if you’re into a bit of exhibitionism, but consider the children. They are our future, after all.
2. Keep your colors low key. As my husband reached under my skirt in one of those lovely little out-of-the-way caves in the Boboli Gardens, I realized that even through the fully leaved trees, his red T-shirt was practically a neon sign, all but screaming for attention. Look at me! Look at me fucking my wife over here! Hey! I said look at me! He had two options: remove it swiftly and deal with whatever might follow should we be stumbled upon or, stop wearing red in public. Since the latter was already a no go, he removed his shirt so his pasty, winter skin could blend in better with nature. Which it did, until some tourists thought the cave was a pleasant place for a picnic.
3. Lose the underwear. Once spring rolls around I ditch my undies most days. In my mind, with Swamp Ass season just weeks away, it’s time to keep things airy and dry in there. No one wants a yeast infection during their July holiday. That being said, if you’re not already going sans underwear and there’s a moment before your public sex gets going that you can slip away and remove your panties first, then do so. The unfortunate thing about women’s underwear is it seriously interferes with what you’re trying to accomplish, and fumbling to take them off is a real time suck. It’s not that you’re on a tight schedule, per se, but anything you can do to prevent wasting time on technicalities beforehand is for the best.
4. Get a leg up. If you’re the type of person who only wants to lie down while fucking, then public sex might not be for you. Sure, if you’re going off into a Tuscan field as if you’re starring in “Room with a View” and there isn’t a soul around for miles, then fine, sprawl out. But if not, you need to stand, find a great support system for your back (building, bathroom stall, doorway, car hood, etc.), so you have leverage. You want to be able to tightly pull yourself into your partner with the same vigor you can when you have the floor as part of the equation, while keeping your balance. Depending on the height difference between you and your partner, balance can be tricky, but if you both work together to push your weight against whatever is supporting you, then you can happily avoid a tumble.
5. Skip the foreplay. Foreplay is great for when you’re at home — and nothing makes sex better than prolonged third base action — but if you want to seal the deal in public, you need to go immediately to home plate. This isn’t to suggest that some fondling beneath the clothes to get you and your partner’s body raring to go is completely off-limits, it’s just that you want to keep it brief. It would be nice if at least one of you, if not both of you, climax during this little public feat.
6. Shut the fuck up. I get it! You’re a moaner! One of those loud, screaming at the top of your lungs at the very instant of ecstasy type of moaners! Awesome! I’m so happy for you! But shut the fuck up! The last thing you need is to be moaning, even softly, and have some do-gooder come to your rescue because they think you’re an injured animal who needs some TLC stat. See? That’s the problem with do-gooders: they ruin the mood with their nosiness.
7. Don’t try to recreate a movie scene. I’m sure there’s not a single person who’s seen the train scene in “Risky Business” and hasn’t thought, “Wow. I want some of that.” Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay make it look so easy, once they remove the gawking homeless man from their train car, of course, but that’s the funny thing about Hollywood: they make everything look so easy. Whether it’s some hot scene on a bar top with James Deen you’ve been fantasizing about or the pool scene in “Showgirls” you’ve been dying to recreate, hold off on such ambitions. Goals are great and everything, but you have enough on your plate with public sex alone, so don’t overload on your responsibilities.
8. Have an excuse. So, let’s just say you do happen to get caught – there’s always a chance the worst-case scenario is possible, right? This is your moment to let your inner actor shine, or at the very least, let your natural ability to lie and get away with it kick into gear. So, what’s your excuse? You were trying to get a bug out of her pubic hair with your cock? He was helping you find that ring that you swallowed that miraculously ended up in your vagina instead of your intestines? I mean, your excuses could be endless honestly, because at that point you’ve already been found out, so the ridiculousness that you come up with for your reason WHY is just some extra fun at that point.
FOUR REASONS HAVING SEX IN WATER IS OVERRATED
It's summer, which means it's a perfect time to get-it-on outdoors. But having sex in WATER isn't all it's cracked up to be. Here are four things to keep in mind before you do . . .
1. Water and protection don't mix. Hot water and chemicals like chlorine can affect a condom's durability. And there's a higher chance of it slipping off.
2. It's harder to stay lubricated. You'd THINK sex in water would create extra lubrication, but that's not the case. Water actually washes AWAY a woman's natural stuff, so your best bet is to use a silicone lubricant.
3. Bacteria is everywhere. Pools, lakes, rivers, and oceans all contain chemicals and bacteria that aren't good for lady parts, and can put you at risk of infection.
4. The shower or bath is your best bet. You'll have the same issues with protection and lubrication there, but at least the water is CLEAN . . . and you won't get arrested for getting caught in public.