FRIDAY'S FAIL STORIES
FAIL! TEEN FALLS ASLEEP WHILE ROBBING MAN AT GUNPOINT
A dozy teenager was caught after falling asleep in the middle of his alleged crime, police in New Orleans say. Meyagi Baker, 17, is accused of forcing a 60-year-old man to withdraw money, he claims he was owed, from an ATM. Police say the suspect then demanded the rest of what was left in his victim’s account, but fell asleep before he received it. The man then called the police and Baker was arrested.
FAIL! A GUY CRASHED HIS CAR WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY RELEASED THE EMERGENCY BRAKE...WHILE HAVING A THREESOME
There are so many people in China, maybe EVERYWHERE is a confined space. Still, I can't believe someone tried this. Last Thursday, a guy in southeastern China was attempting to have a threesome with two women . . . in his CAR. And as you'd imagine, they were having trouble moving around. It's not clear if they were in the front seat, the back seat, or both. But somehow, one of them accidentally released the emergency brake. And they were parked on a hill at the time, so they rolled down the hill and crashed into a TREE. They must have been going pretty fast too, because the two women were pretty seriously injured. One of them broke BOTH her legs. The guy somehow escaped with NO injuries. But he's facing charges for committing a lewd act in public. Firefighters had to use the jaws of life to get them out.
FAIL! A GUY WANTS TO GET OUT OF HIS BURGER KING SHIFT EARLY...SO HIS BROTHER CALLS IN A BOMB THREAT
A guy working at a Burger King in Norwich, England back on March 6th wanted to get out of work early. So he called his brother, 18-year-old Luke Brown, and asked him to figure out how to get him out. And Luke's brilliant plan was . . . calling in a BOMB threat. The Burger King is in a mall, so the police evacuated the entire mall and swept it for bombs. When they couldn't find one, they started investigating the bomb threat . . . and even though Luke made it from a pay phone, the cops traced it to him. He was arrested . . . and last week he was sentenced to six months in a juvenile detention center. In his defense, since the mall was evacuated that day, he DID accomplish his goal of getting his brother out of work early.
FAIL! TWO GUYS STAGED A FAKE MURDER FOR GOOGLE STREET VIEW...AND GOT A VISIT FROM THE COPS
If you saw the Google Maps Street View car coming down the street, you'd probably be tempted to do SOMETHING stupid in front of it. And thousands of people have had the same idea. 56-year-old Dan Thompson owns a car repair shop in Edinburgh, Scotland, and 31-year-old Gary Kerry is one of his mechanics. They were outside the shop back in August of 2012 when they saw the Google Maps car coming. So they thought it'd be funny to stage a FAKE MURDER. Dan got down on the ground and pretended to be dead . . . and Gary stood over him with an ax handle. Then the car went by, took the photos, and they forgot all about it. Well, Google eventually updated their Edinburgh maps with those photos. And someone finally spotted them, freaked out, and called the cops. The police actually showed up at Dan's repair shop to investigate the murder . . . and after they talked with Dan and Gary, they found out it was just a joke. No charges were filed . . . and you can still see the fake murder on Google.
FAIL! MAN SAVES DOG FROM DROWNING ... THEN DROWNS
An 80-year-old man drowned at Lake Martin over the weekend while trying to save his dog. According to witnesses, he had been swimming in the lake with his lab and the dog apparently had trouble making it back to shore. That's when he attempted to rescue the animal. Witnesses attempted to perform CPR on he until medical professionals could arrive, but attempts to resuscitate him were unsuccessful.
FAIL! MAN JUMPS OFF CLIFF INTO SHALLOW WATER
A 50-year-old man died Sunday when he jumped into a shallow part of Apache Lake from a height of 100 feet. The man was standing above the water at about 100 feet when he jumped into the water. The water where he landed was only 17 feet deep. He was flown to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead. Witnesses interviewed do not believe alcohol was involved.
FAIL! MAN TRIES TO BREAK INTO EX'S HOUSE...GETS STUCK IN CHIMNEY
The man, for his own dignity, has renamed unnamed by the press. The man in question was rescued by firefighters early in the morning after he became stuck in his ex-girlfriend’s chimney. Authorities say he was trying to break into his girlfriend’s house after a family dispute. The man suffered mild injuries, despite almost making it to the bottom of the chimney. I think the worst part about this whole ordeal is that he was so close to the bottom. But, at some point, he realized “Goddamnit I’m not going to make it.” Did he call for the help, or did his former lover realize that there was a man stuck in her chimney? Firefighters had to dismantle the entire chimney in order to rescue him. Despite this, no criminal charges have been filed.
FAIL! MAN TRIES TO PAY FINE WITH COUNTERFEIT BILLS
The Bay County Sheriff’s Office arrested a local man today who attempted to pay a fine at the Bay County Courthouse with counterfeit bills. When John Sheldon Jernigan gave the clerk at the Courthouse $400 to pay his trespassing fine, she observed that the bills looked unusual. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that many of the bills had the same exact serial number. The bills, all $20’s, proved to be counterfeit. The astute clerk called a deputy to the counter and Jernigan was arrested and charged with thirteen counts of Uttering a Counterfeit Bill. When investigators spoke with Jernigan, he initially claimed he received pay at his job in cash and it must have been counterfeit. Jernigan later changed his story and claimed he didn’t know where he obtained the counterfeit cash. Jernigan carried a total of twenty-six counterfeit bills with him today. Twenty-two were $20’s and four were $50’s. There were only four different serial numbers used.
FAIL! A GUY WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS "IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL THE COPS SHOW UP" IS ARRESTED WHEN THE COPS SHOW UP
When 35-year-old Rocky Fisher got dressed Sunday morning, he probably didn't realize his shirt was going to make his mugshot the stuff of LEGENDS. Rocky and his girlfriend, 19-year-old Jennifer Balfe, robbed a bank in Cottonwood, Idaho on Friday, and got away . . . temporarily. The cops eventually tracked them down, and when they showed up on Sunday morning at their motel, Rocky was wearing a t-shirt that said, quote, "It's all fun and games until the cops show up." His shirt wasn't kidding. He and Jennifer were both arrested for robbery, burglary, and grand theft.
FAIL! A KIDNAPPER IS CAUGHT WHEN HE TRIES TO HAVE HIS PITBULL BITE HIS VICTIM...AND IT BITES HIM INSTEAD
Pit bulls get a pretty bad rap, but this pit bull is our undisputed HERO of the day. Gabriel Garcia of Las Cruces, New Mexico met a 26-year-old woman at a party last week and took her keys. She found him through a friend, and arranged to go to his place to get the keys this week. But when she got there, he wouldn't let her leave. He made sexual advances toward her, and she kept trying to get out. At one point he went to grab some beer, so she called 911. But he heard her and pushed her down some stairs. Then, he ordered his pit bull to BITE her. But this pit bull clearly read the situation right . . . he turned on Garcia and bit HIM instead. The woman was able to call 911 again and escape. Garcia was arrested for second-degree kidnapping, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and battery. But before he went to jail, he was taken to the hospital . . . for the nasty dog bite on his arm.
FAIL! A GUY GOT HIS AMR STUCK IN A A TOILET FOR SIX HOURS TRYING TO GET HIS CELL PHONE
I'm sure thousands of people accidentally drop their cell phone into the TOILET on a daily basis. But at least you get to fish it out of a clean American toilet . . . not a Chinese feces pile. A guy named Chen Ho in Jianyang, Sichuan, China was using a public toilet this week . . . which is really just a hole in the ground. He was talking with a friend on his new smart phone . . . and dropped it into the hole. He says he couldn't imagine losing his new phone, so he stuck his arm into the toilet hole to try to get it. But . . . he got STUCK. It took SIX HOURS for firemen to get him out. Chen says, quote, "The smell was appalling and by the time the firemen arrived, my arm was terribly swollen. I forgot I had a cut on my hand and I think it got infected." He DID get his phone back at the end of this . . . but after all that, it was RUINED.
FAIL! TWO DEAD, THREE INJURED IN ATTEMPT TO GET CELLPHONE OUT OF TOILET
Two people are dead and three others were injured after a woman dropped her mobile phone into a pit toilet in China's Henan Province. The woman's husband climbed into the cesspit to retrieve the lost device, but fainted from the stench, initiating a series of rescue attempts that ended in tragedy.The husband's mother entered the pit to save him, but also instantly lost consciousness. The owner of the phone herself then entered the pit, suffering the same fate. Unbelievably, the woman's elderly father-in-law and two neighbors also became trapped inside the toilet during the rescue. Other Xinxiang City residents worked together using ropes to pull six people out of the knee-deep waste. They were only inside the pit for 5 minutes, but the husband and his mother died at the hospital after waiting more than an hour for medical services to arrive. The man left behind a 1-year-old son. A hospital doctor said the cause of death was suffocation. The woman who dropped her phone is in intensive care, along with a neighbor. Her father-in-law was also injured. None of the local reports mention the status of the phone, which the SCMP says was worth around $300.