FRIDAY FAIL STORIES!
FAIL: FIRST LEGAL WEED CUSTOMER FIRED BY JOB
On Monday, a 30-year-old security guard named Mike Boyer showed up at the first pot dispensary in Spokane, Washington 19 HOURS before it opened . . . and camped out overnight so he'd be the first person in Spokane to buy legal weed. He was in a tie-dyed shirt . . . obviously . . . which he says he's, quote, "Been rockin' [for] about 12 years." We know this because the local news did a story on him while he was parked on the sidewalk . . . with Doritos and Mountain Dew on hand. But when his BOSS saw the story the next morning . . . he FIRED HIM. Mike says getting canned was definitely a "buzzkill", but refused to let it ruin a huge day . . . so he smoked a bunch of pot, then slept for ten hours. He says he has no regrets, and his reasoning is pretty solid. Quote, "A man can always get a job. But a man can only be the first person to buy recreational cannabis in Spokane once." He posted his resume on Craigslist on Wednesday, with the title, "Lost My Job - Still #1 Though!" And he hopes getting fired is a blessing in disguise that'll lead to his dream job . . . working at a marijuana dispensary. Actually, he described it as "EVERYBODY'S" dream job. FAIL!
FAIL! MAN FIRES MORTAR SHELL DIRECTLY INTO OWN HEAD
An Oklahoma man dies while shooting off fireworks. Just moments before that, he was having a good time with friends in rural McClain County. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary until he decided to hold one of the fireworks in his hand and then held it above his head. “Big ol’ teddy bear,” said Teddy Potts. “He was like a brother to me.” His name is Patrick Hughes, but his friends called him Pat. He was just 26 years old and hadn't lived in Oklahoma very long. Teddy met Pat at work, and he and his wife, Brittney, immediately took him in and invited Pat over to celebrate the Fourth of July. Pat was excited and stocked up for the weekend. He sent Teddy a picture of all the fireworks he'd bought - fireworks that would take his life. “My wife saw him with his hands above his head and the embers falling, and she went to screaming at him, ‘That’s not a good idea!’ I turned to her, and then I heard it go off,” Teddy said. “I screamed no and went to run toward him, and that’s when it exploded,” Brittney said. “I rushed to him, and it was too late,” Teddy said. Investigators said a fireworks shell was put in upside down inside a launching tube, and it came out the bottom, hitting Pat in the head. Teddy and his wife called 911. They used a shirt to try to keep Pat's head from bleeding until firefighters got there and rushed him to the hospital, where he later died. Investigators said what happened was just a tragic accident. “We can’t stress enough that fireworks are dangerous. They are not meant to be held,” said McClain County Sheriff’s Detective, Dana Guthrie. “They need to be placed on solid surfaces, and please follow directions, because we don’t want more incidents like this to occur.” It is an accident that continues to replay over and over in Teddy's mind. “I see him lying there every day,” said Teddy. “It’s like a bad dream. I just wish I could ask him what he was thinking.”Teddy Potts admits he and Pat were drinking alcohol. However, detectives say this was a heartbreaking and preventable accident. FAIL!
FAIL: JOURNALISTS HOSPITALIZED AFTER EATING SUPER-SPICY BURGER
Two British journalists recently tried a burger spicier than pepper spray — and they suffered the consequences. Arron Hendy and Ruari Barratt work for The Argus in Brighton, and taste tested the XXX Burger from Burger Off in Hove, England. The burger sent both journalists to the hospital with stomach pains and other severe symptoms. "Mr Barratt took a bite and minutes later suffered severe stomach pains which increased," "He lost the feeling in his hands, his legs were shaking and his eyes rolled back in his head." He went to the hospital, where Hendy joined him hours later. “I was in so much pain I was telling people I felt like I was dying," Hendy said. He added this tip for anyone who is thinking of trying the XXX Burger: "just don’t.” FAIL!
FAIL: PAMPLONA BULL GORES AUTHOR OF "HOW TO SURVIVE THE BULLS OF PAMPLONA"
If you ask me, the best way to avoid getting gored during the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain is . . . NOT ATTEND the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Anyone who does is just asking for it. But a 32-year-old author from Chicago named Bill Hillman actually co-authored a BOOK on the subject. It's called, "Fiesta: How to Survive the Bulls of Pamplona", and it came out last month. But we're thinking sales MIGHT take a hit after this. Bill is in Spain right now, attending the festival for his tenth year in a row. And yesterday . . . HE GOT GORED BY A BULL. A 1,300-pound bull got him twice in the right thigh. He was listed in serious condition and had to have surgery. Technically, his advice on how to survive the event is still valid. His doctors say the bull JUST missed an artery, and they expect Bill to make a full recovery. FAIL!
FAIL: SHOPLIFTER DIES TRYING TO FLEE FROM MALL SECURITY
The penalty for shoplifting should NOT be death. At least not in America. Maybe in, like, a market in Morocco where someone will behead you with a saber. But not here. So this guy REALLY should've surrendered. 26-year-old Tavon Talley of Baltimore shoplifted some stuff from a store at a mall in Hanover, Maryland on Monday night. We don't know what he took . . . but we do know mall security caught him in the act. Tavon took off when three mall cops started chasing him, ran outside, and jumped into a POND. It was about 20 feet deep, but it was mostly MUD. And the mud started pulling him down like quicksand. He got stuck, and firefighters tried to rescue him. But it was too late . . . he drowned in the pond. He was actually shoplifting with another person, 26-year-old Tani Turner. She was arrested for theft. FAIL!
FAIL: MAN CHOKES ON HOT DOG DURING CONTEST
Fourth of July festivities in a small South Dakota town took a grim turn when a man choked to death during a hot dog eating contest. Walter Eagle Tail, of Custer, was one of six contestants scarfing hot dogs in front of a crowd at a local park for Independence Day celebrations on Thursday During the race, Eagle Tail began to choke and collapsed. Paramedics rushed him to a local hospital, where he later died. Custer County Sheriff Rick Wheeler said medics tried CPR at the site, but couldn't revive him. "Basically, he probably just suffocated. It got lodged in his throat and they couldn't get it out," "It all happened within minutes," Wheeler said. "I think everybody was pretty well shocked about it." According to the Journal, the contest was sponsored by the Custer Chamber of Commerce. The town is in western South Dakota, near the Wyoming border. Town officials canceled a pie eating contest scheduled for Friday, and organizers were mulling whether to cancel the hot dog competition for good, the newspaper said. FAIL!
FAIL: BEER PROMO SHUTS DOWN MAJOR INTERSECTION
A major beer company is apologizing after a suspicious package shut down a busy downtown intersection during rush hour Monday afternoon. The Spadina Avenue and Dundas Street West intersection was closed at around 5 p.m. after a briefcase was discovered attached to metal railing. Toronto Transit Commission streetcar service was also suspended as police were called in to investigate. The briefcase, it turns out, was part of a summer marketing promotion run by Coors Light Canada. In a press release issued earlier this month, the promotion, dubbed Search+Rescue, is described as a mission “to help save Canadians from an average summer” through a month-long challenge to find prizes using an online map and through clues from Twitter. Some 880 similar briefcases were to be hidden in locations across the country during July, the release stated. Coors Light Canada apologized to the TTC for the impact to commuters via Twitter at around 6:45 p.m. The stunt did not sit well with some commuters and city resident who responded to the company on social media. “Huge police investigation because there is some type of suspicious package at spadina and dundas. Apparently it's a marketing fail :s,” wrote Twitter user @suemhmd. In a statement issued shortly after 10 p.m., Coors Light Canada said that “proactive steps” had been taken by the company to try and ensure that situations like the one Monday in Toronto would not have occurred. “We worked closely with first responders in all markets to ensure they had visibility and input to what we were doing, and also aimed to fence-gate locations like transit corridors where the cases might be perceived as a threat,” the release states. “While the program had been highly successful and without incident over the past few weeks, we sincerely regret the delay we caused commuters in Toronto today.” The company also announced that “today’s boxes will mark the program’s completion.” “For the Coors Light drinkers who were following the program, a new wave of the program will be introduced at bars across the country in the coming weeks,” it said. There was no immediate word from police on whether any charges would be laid. FAIL!
FAIL: MAN ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS HIS BITCH
Elkhart County police are investigating after two people were accidentally shot. The man was cleaning his gun when he accidentally shot himself through the hand. One of the rounds also hit a woman in both legs. The man reportedly believed the gun was not loaded. Both the man and woman have non-life threatening injuries. FAIL!
FAIL: WOMAN SHOT AT GUN SHOW
A vendor accidentally shot a woman in the leg while demonstrating a gun and holster at a central Pennsylvania gun show, police said. The Columbia County district attorney's office will determine whether the vendor, Geoffrey Hawk, will face criminal charges stemming from the shooting Saturday at the Bloomsburg Fairgrounds, Officer Brad Sharrow said. Hawk, 44, of Warminster, didn't immediately return calls Sunday to his cellphone and business, In Case of Emergency Enterprises. He was manning a booth for his business at the Eagle Arms Gun show at the time of the shooting. Hawk told police he thought the gun was unloaded when he demonstrated a concealed-carry wallet holster to the woman, Krista Gearhart, 25, of Orangeville. Gearhart was treated and released for a thigh wound at Geisinger Medical Center in Danville. Hawk told police he had done the same demonstration about 20 times without incident before the shooting, "racking" the gun's slide to clear it of bullets each time, Sharrow said. Somehow, the gun was loaded when Gearhart was shot. Police said Hawk told them he had left the gun on display when he completed background checks on some customers and believes it's possible someone loaded the gun when he was busy. Joel Koehler, the gun show organizer, said Hawk was asked to close his booth and leave the show, which continued Sunday. The show has an entrance sign that says "No Loaded Weapons" and Koehler said his staff checks all guns to ensure they are unloaded before they are brought in for display. Koehler said Saturday's shooting was the first at any show he has held at the fairgrounds or anywhere else.
43-year-old David Greaves of Lancashire, England broke into a pub last month, stole two cash registers and two TVs . . . then put them outside in his car while he went back inside to steal more stuff. And while he was getting his second load . . . someone broke into his car and stole the stuff HE'D just stolen from the bar. The police say the security cameras showed, quote, "confusion on [David's] face" when he got back out to his car. David just pleaded guilty to one count of burglary. He got a suspended sentence and probation. The police haven't caught the guys who robbed him. FAIL!
FAIL: COUPLE HAVING SEX ON BALCONY FALLS TO THEIR DEATH
Two teenagers died after falling from a block of flats while “having sex” on a balcony, reports have suggested. The 18-year-old man and 19-year-old woman, who were both college students, were killed in the "tragic accident" shortly after midnight at Knights Tower in Wharf Street, Deptford, south London, police said. Neighbours said a party was taking place inside the sixth-floor flat, which has spectacular views of the Thames and Canary Wharf, at the time of the incident. FAIL!