Crap on Celebrities
In an old bit, JOAN RIVERS revealed how she wanted to die...
JOAN RIVERS died yesterday afternoon, one week after she went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing during surgery on her vocal cords. She was 81. Her daughter MELISSA said, quote, "My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon."
In an old bit, JOAN RIVERS revealed how she wanted to die. She said, quote, "One morning you'll wake up and read a headline: 'Joan Rivers Found Dead . . . On George Clooney's Face'." And in a book she released last year, she said she wanted her funeral to be, quote, "Hollywood all the way."
Tons of celebrities are Tweeting tributes to JOAN RIVERS, including Whoopi Goldberg, Ellen DeGeneres, Nancy Reagan, Don Rickles and Roseanne . . . who said, quote, "RIP GODDESS: Hail Hail, a GENIUS has vacated this realm: Joan Rivers has died."
A list of JOAN RIVERS' best jokes includes this classic . . . "When I was born, my mother asked the doctor, 'Will she live?' He said, 'Only if you take your foot off her throat.'" And this one: "The whole Michael Jackson thing was my fault. I told him to date only 28-year-olds. Who knew he would find 20 of them?"
A few more Joan Rivers classics
"Stevie Wonder, that poor son of a [B-word]. Who's going to tell him he's wearing a macramé plant holder on his head?"
"Elizabeth Taylor is so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin."
If you're one of the many naughty delinquents who's been PRAYING for some delightfully nude photos of SHERRI SHEPHERD to hit the Internet . . . you were probably crushed when she wasn't a part of the massive celebrity leak last weekend. But don't give up hope yet. Rumor has it Sherri is paranoid that her estranged husband, Lamar Sally, will leak the racy shots she sent him over the years. An "insider" tells Radar Online, quote, "It was a long distance relationship, so to keep things hot, Sherri would send naked pictures of herself to Lamar. "She deeply regrets sending the pictures because she's afraid Lamar will release the pictures as revenge because of the bitter nature of the divorce proceedings." There's no word if Sherri's photos are ARTISTIC NUDES . . . if they're TEASE SHOTS . . . or if they're DOWNRIGHT DIRTY. For now, we'll just have to let our imaginations run wild
One hacker's photo leak is apparently another artist's gallery exhibit. The recently leaked photos of Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence and model Kate Upton are going on display at the Cory Allen Contemporary Art Showroom in St. Petersburg, Florida next month. A Los Angeles artist, who goes by the name XVALA, is planning to add the photos to an exhibit highlighting a "Fear Google" campaign. The Lawrence and Upton pics will be a part of the artist's "No Delete" show, which, according to a statement will feature XVALA's images of celebrities "in their most vulnerable and private moments." A shaved head portrait of pop star Britney Spears and nude images of actress Scarlett Johansson are also included in the exhibit, expected to launch on October 30th. The FBI, meantime, has launched an investigation into Sunday's massive photo leak, which involved the images of dozens of high-profile female stars.
SCARLETT JOHANSSON gave birth to her baby girl. We don't know when . . . but her publicist made the announcement yesterday, saying, quote, "Mother and daughter are doing well." They named her Rose Dorothy.
ALYSSA MILANO gave birth to a baby girl yesterday . . . her second child with husband David Bugliari. They named Her Elizabella Dylan.
Remember how those FOO FIGHTERS fans in Virginia crowd-funded an imaginary show to try to convince the band to play there? Well, it worked, and the band has just announced that it's happening on September 17th. Only people who pledged money will get a ticket.
A Supergirl TV show is currently being shopped around by Warner Bros. studio and DC Comics. The project is in the early stages. No deal yet in place, however the series is not expected to go to the CW, who was first pitched the project, and who, of course, houses both Arrow and The Flash.
TV Tonight: "Stand Up to Cancer" . . . on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, and two dozen other networks. Katie Couric is the host. And the performers include Ariana Grande, Jennifer Hudson, Dave Matthews and The Who. It will also include appearances from celebrities like Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Reese Witherspoon, Mark Harmon, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Jon Hamm, and "Modern Family's" Eric
Jimmy Fallon has Claire Danes …Seth Meyers with Stephen Colbert…Letterman has Tina Fey…Saturday Night Live…Louis C.K
Rose McGowanis 41.
Michael Keatonis 63.
Raquel Welchis 74.
BOB NEWHARTis 85.
Pippa Middletonis 31.
Idris Elbais 42.
MICHAEL WINSLOW!is 56.
Jeff Foxworthyis 56.
Evan Rachel Woodis 27.
Shannon Elizabethis 41.
Corbin Bernsenis 60.
Today’s birthday girl has had HER uprights split…in 74 fine films including
· My Little Panties Volume 2
· Distressed and Undressed Volume 1
· Bound, Gagged, and Looking for Rescue
· Admire Our Beautiful Bare Feet Volume 11
· Toe Suckin’ Orgy
· Foot Lickin Fun
· And who could forget, her unforgettable role in…Leave No Toes Unsucked
LEXI BLOOM is 25 years old