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MONDAY'S CRAP ON CELEBRITIES

The three main cast members of "The Big Bang Theory" have ended their hold-out . . . after agreeing to new deals that'll make them INSANELY RICH. JIM PARSONS, JOHNNY GALECKI and KALEY CUOCO signed three-year contracts, which will pay them $1 million per episode EACH.  That triples their previous salaries, which were in the $325,000 to $350,000 range. Seasons eight through 10 are expected to include a total of 72 episodes, which means they'll rake in $72 million over the next three years.  But that's not all. They're also getting a cut of the show's profits, which could make their new deals worth anywhere from $90 to $100 million apiece. It's hard to imagine a show can stay afloat while cutting paychecks like these, but Deadline.com says that with all the advertising and syndication, it's still expected to generate $1 BILLION in profits. SIMON HELBERG and KUNAL NAYYAR are the only two cast members who still don't have a deal.  But that's expected to happen any minute now, and the cast is scheduled for a table read on Wednesday.

KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST have passed an important milestone:  They've lasted 72 days as man and wife.  That means their marriage is officially more successful than Kim's last marriage, to NBA star KRIS HUMPHRIES. Kim and Kanye were married on May 24th . . . so yesterday was Day 72.  Unless you count the 24th itself, then Sunday was the big day. Of course, this could all be shot to hell with a sudden announcement that Kim and Kanye are divorcing, and had already split prior to Sunday or Monday . . . so don't send them any gifts just yet.

ASHLEY OLSEN is taking a page out of her sister's book and dating a guy who's old enough to be her dad.  She's nailing BENNETT MILLER, who directed "Capote" and "Moneyball", as well as the upcoming movie "Foxcatcher". He's 47 . . . she's 28.    Bennett is actually two years older than MARY-KATE'S 45-year-old fiancé, Olivier Sarkozy CHECK EM OUT HERE

SANDRA BULLOCKis #1 on Forbes.com's annual list of "The Highest Paid Actresses in Hollywood."  She reportedly raked in $51 million over the past 12 months . . . thanks in large part to her take from the movie "Gravity": ..2.  Jennifer Lawrence, $34 million…3.  Jennifer Aniston, $31 million…4.  Gwyneth Paltrow, $19 million…5.  A tie between Angelina Jolie and Cameron Diaz, with $18 million apiece.  Angelina was #1 last year, with $33 million….7.  Scarlett Johansson, $17 million…8.  A tie between Amy Adams and Natalie Portman, with $13 million apiece…10.  Kristen Stewart, $12 million

 JACK WHITE'S "Lazaretto" moved 60,000 vinyl copies, making it the best-selling LP since PEARL JAM'S "Vitalogy" in 1994…New out today “1000hp” from Godsmack… America's Got Talent is on NBC…Jimmy Fallon has Clive Owen… Seth Meyers has Daniel Radcliffe and Morgan Spurlock from "7 Deadly Sins

Would you pay $5,240 to have someone smack your face with an electrified rubber band?  You would if you were GWYNETH PALTROW. Gwyneth tells "Hello!" magazine that she's never had plastic surgery, but she keeps her skin looking great with a painful facial procedure called Thermage laser treatment, which is also known as FACE-IRONING. She explains, quote, "It's non-invasive but it's quite painful, like having your face smacked with a rubber band that has an electric shock in it.  But it works."  She says it boosts collagen levels in the skin's lower layers, creating a tightening effect to the top layer. It seems like someone should pay YOU to let them do that, but Gwyneth actually opens up HER checkbook for this.  A half-face treatment costs around $3,900, while a full-face of electrified rubber band-smacking will run you a hefty $5,240.

 Anyone who can play both Mr. Mom and Batman is obviously a master thespian. But Michael Keaton passed on a lot of iconic movies, too.  Here are five of them: "Police Academy":  Both Keaton and JUDGE REINHOLD passed on the part of Mahoney, clearing the way for STEVE GUTTENBERG. "Splash":  Keaton has said he was offered  the JOHN CANDY role. Keaton signed on to play the down-on-his-luck bowler Roy Munson based on an early draft of the script.  But then a revised version came in and it was LOADED with jokes. Keaton thought the movie should be more character-driven so he backed out.  WOODY HARRELSON ended up with the part.

 BIRTHDAYS

Jonathan Silvermanis 48"The Single Guy".  Also, THE star of "Weekend at Bernie's" and “Little Big League”

Patrick Ewingis 52.  NBA legend. 
 

Tawny Kitaenis 53
 

Pat Smearis 55
 

Maureen McCormickis 58
 

Loni Andersonis 69.

OLIVIA

Today’s birthday girl has shown more ass than a plumber under the sink…in 136 fine films including:
 

·        Boobtown

·        Anal Europe Volume 7

·        A Clockwork Orgy

·        House of Hooters

·        John Wayne Bobbitt….Uncut

·        Overtime Volume 29: The North Pole

·        Shower Power

·        Trample Quest

·        And who could forget…her unforgettable role in….Thunderboobs

OLIVIA  is 45 YEARS OLD

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