Crap on Celebrities

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FRIDAY'S CRAP ON CELEBRITIES

Concert meet-and-greet packages are so expensive these days they hardly seem worth it.  Remember that Avril Lavigne story how for a meet and greet that costs over $100.00 but you gotta stay like 4 feet away from her. But I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that if you pay the $995 to meet MILEY CYRUS before one of her shows, you get your money's worth. Because GROPING IS ON THE TABLE. One guy who met Miley at the Nassau Coliseum in New York last weekend used his photo opportunity to the fullest . . . by standing behind Miley and CUPPING HER BREASTS.  And she was totally game for it. Apparently, the guy is gay, because he also asked Miley to give him his, quote, "first and last kiss with a girl."  She replied that he would be her, quote, "first and last kiss with a boy" . . . and they pretended to make out.    A source says, quote, "Miley is just having fun with her fans.  She spends time with them and talks to them at meet and greets. HERE ARE THE PICS

DAKOTA JOHNSON laid down the law when it comes to her parents seeing her get SEXUALLY DOMINATED in "Fifty Shades of Grey". Her mother MELANIE GRIFFITH says, quote, "[Dakota] was like, 'You guys cannot come.  There's no way.'  So we're not going." But she adds, quote, "I did go visit for a couple of days when they were shooting just normal stuff.  I did see the Room of Pain . . . I did go in there and check it out." Dakota's dad, DON JOHNSON, has said he wouldn't be seeing the movie . . . but he tried to make it sound like the NASTY SEX wasn't a factor. He said, quote, "It's not a movie I would see.  I've never seen 'The Vampire Diaries', I've never seen 'Twilight'.  It's in a category of films that I just wouldn't be interested in."

 Blues Brothers, Waynes World, Coneheads, The Ladies Man, It’s Pat, Superstar…Well get ready to wear your turtleneck and chain to the movie theater because the TLI dudes are coming to the big screen ,Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone are working with Universal Pictures on an untitled movie about the comedy singing trio. The studio acquired the rights to the pitch from the Incredibad group, who will star in and produce the film that will be set in the world of music.  Judd Apatow will co-produce. He has produced “Bridesmaids,” “Get Him to the Greek,” “This is 40” and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” The Lonely Island is best known for “Lazy Sunday,” “Dick in a Box” and “Jizz in My Pants.” Schaffer and Taccone, former writers on “Saturday Night Live,” will co-direct the movie

MALALA YOUSAFZAI that 17-year-old Pakistani girl, who narrowly escaped being assassinated by the Taliban in 2012 for standing up for a woman's right to be educated. Despite her young age, she seems like one of the LEAST likely people who'd be interested in JUSTIN BIEBER . . . but apparently, that's not the case.  Justin posted a screen-shot of him having a FaceTime conversation with Malala. He captioned it:  Quote, "[Malala] has such an incredible story.  I can't wait to meet her in person and talk about how I can support her and The Malala Fund.  #Love."…then he went back to being a douche bag. SEE IT HERE

If you've been wondering what JAY LENO is up to these days . . . here's your answer:  He's been working on his competitive eating skills. The Fatburger chain has something called the "XXX Challenge," and in order to conquer it, you need to throw down one of their three-patty, 24-ounce burgers . . . loaded with the works. Apparently, Jay had no problem with that . . . because he scarfed it down in just FIVE MINUTES . . . and received a certificate for his achievement.

 Everybody knows that big action movies come out in the summer, and the darker, more dramatic stuff is reserved for the winter months. Time.com did a study of more than 8,000 movies going all the way back to 1913. And they identified when movies containing certain subject matter were most likely to be released.  For instance:Nazi movies are most popular in February . . . Erotica is popular in April . . . Princesses are big in May . . . and movies where the main character DIES are most likely to come out in December.  "Titanic" and "The Poseidon Adventure" come to mind. And November is a big month for talking animals and abortion. Here's a rundown of some of the subjects that are most common to each month:

January:  19th Century, Melancholy, Vegetarian

February:  Nazis, 

March:  World War 2, Martial Arts

April:  Erotica, College

May:  Princess, Future

June:  Superhero, Spacecraft, Secret Agent, 

July:  Ocean, Creature, Chainsaw, Baseball, Thong

August:  Drug Lord, Demon, Teen Movie, Ensemble Cast

September:  Communist, Soccer, Stalking, Bible

October:  Blackmail, Slasher, Heroin, Fear

November:  Talking Animal, Christmas, Magic, Abortion

December:  Epic, 19th Century, Main Character Dies

 On TV tonight..  The series premiere of "The Knick" on Cinemax.  Clive Owen plays the drug-addicted Chief of Surgery at a New York hospital in the year 1900.  The entire first season was directed by Steven Soderbergh, and the show's already been renewed for a second season before the first 10 episodes have even aired.

Saturday Night Live has  Edward Norton hosting

 BIRTHDAYS

 

Roger Federer is 33

Scott Stapp is 41

Rena Mero is 47.  She WAS Sable in the WWF

Kool Moe Dee is 52

The Edge is 53

Dustin Hoffman is 77.

Anna Kendrick is 29

Thomas Lennon is 44.  Ambiguously gay Lieutenant Jim Dangle on "Reno 911!".

Eric Bana is 46

Gillian Anderson is 46

Deion Sanders is 47

Hoda Kotb is 50

Sam Elliott is 70

Kylie Jenner is 17

ANTONIO BANDERAS is 54

ROSANNA ARQUETTE is 55

MISTY RAIN

Today’s birthday girl has been on top more than Peyton Manning at a draft party …in 316 fine films including:
 

 

·        ANAL THERAPY VOLUME 3

·        BI-GOLLY

·        THE EFF CHANNEL

·        FIRE DOWN BELOW

·        GOLDEN ROD

·        HUNGRY ON THE FACE

·        MOON BEADS

·        POTTY MOUTH

·        STIFF COMPETITION VOLUME 2

·        And who could forget…her unforgettable role in….DUMB ASS

MISTY RAIN  is 45 YEARS OLD

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