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Papa Roach frontman Jacoby Shaddix has admitted in several new interviews that he came close to committing suicide earlier in the year as he struggled with both marital problems and falling off the wagon. Shaddix told Metal Hammer magazine, "I went to Sausalito to hang myself. I was in a f***ing place, man. The booze, my lifestyle, this woman I'd been with since I was 16 -- I've never been that f***ing broken. I was seriously going to finish it."
Shaddix told us that it was the process of writing a song that actually helped him step back from the brink: "Those thoughts were flashing in my head. I'm like, 'I'm over it. I'm done. I just can't deal with this pain.' You know, I was gutted. And I remember I was in my car, driving to Sausalito to do the deed, you know. I was like, I was done. And I had this song, 'Before I Die,' you know, and I just realized, like, I'm not done living. There's so much more in my life that I want to do and I need to do, you know, just -- those moments of clarity are what saved me, you know. I started thinking about those things, what I'm grateful for in my life."
Shaddix said about his estrangement from his wife Kelly, who he had been with for nearly 20 years, "There was a point where she wanted to experience life without me. That was the moment I feared in life the most."
The singer added that he ultimately realized suicide was a "selfish act," explaining, "I decided I had to endure the pain I was going through."
Shaddix and his wife eventually reconciled, while he also went through treatment to regain his sobriety.
The song he wrote, "Before I Die," appears on the band's new album, The Connection, which is due out on October 2nd.
Just to add to Shaddix's woes this year, he was recently diagnosed with nodes on his vocal cords, which forced Papa Roach to drop off the Rockstar Energy Uproar Festival tour after just a handful of shows.
The vocalist underwent surgery and says that his recovery is coming along fine, with the band scheduled to resume touring in November.